Quest for Coffee!
by FluffyDragonsLiveInMyHouse
Summary: I didn't ask for this. I just wanted coffee! But what do I get? A broken neck, a dead body, some vengeful god visiting my dreams and these freaky weirdos in freaky cloaks chasing me. Honestly, I blame Monday. Oh well, time to wreck havoc on the Naruto World! Watch out, here comes Flynn Ryder! Rated T for Flynn's potty mouth.
1. I hate Mondays!

Coffee.

One thing. One tiny, simple, delicious thing. That was all I wanted. A nice cup of coffee to start off this shitty Monday morning before I went to school. All I asked for! What do I get? A broken neck.

Of fucking course. Ryder luck, I'm telling you. We try and pet the bunny and it will end up giving us rabies. We just want the Holy Grail for God's sake!*

So, you know the drill - the alarm goes off, the internal debate as to whether one should get up or not; face Monday, or stay under the blankets for five more minutes? The struggle to get out of bed and get dressed. Trying not to fall asleep as you brush your hair, blah blah blah. Typical, boring, old Monday, right?

Wrong.

God just wants to go, "Up yours!" and screw up my day even more - it's either the Ryder luck or Monday luck really. So I'm all ready to go, in my ever flattering outfit of a hoodie, t-shirt and jeans, complete with the over-the-shoulder bag, and I get that familiar craving.

So I think to myself, what's the harm right? I have over an hour to get to school, I'll just pop into the shop and buy some coffee, and head on - sure, I'll be done ages before I get to school!

And then there I am, waiting to cross the road. Rush hour was hectic; cars whizzing by at the speed of light, drivers cursing their mouths off at everyone, groaning when the lights turn red, don't you know it.

The craving gets worse - I need that coffee! That delicious, warming, amazing beverage made for students - I need it. I glance to my right. No oncoming traffic - safe to cross then! So I run across the road before I realize what a terrible idea that was.

I guess I forgot to take the Ryder luck into play, because next thing I knew I'm flying through the air, my upper body in agony, and my head feeling like it was being split apart. My whole body jerks as I skid across the road, skin tearing off and - I suppose I must have looked like a ragdoll.

Just as I come to a stop, everything burst into pain at once, and dims. Everything around me seemed to stop and I felt like I was sinking deeper into bliss. I had another internal struggle, sort of like the one everyone has in bed, but it went more like:

Sink into peace and away from all the pain, or force myself to face all of that again?

The answer seemed obvious to me at the time, my eyes fluttering closed and my breaths coming out shallower and shallower. And a strange tingling sensation came over my body and bam! The pain was gone.

But with everything good comes the bad. I open my eyes again, and I blink at the sight before me. And I blink again. My brain felt numbed at it was hard to take in the sight before me - well, me.

I was on the ground, my limbs splayed all over the road, my eyes closed and streams of blood flowing down from my forehead, mouth, underneath me... everywhere it seemed. I was literally in a pool of my own blood. And I was so _pale_. My lips - now tinted blue - were parted slightly and my chest wasn't moving.

Dead. I was dead. I could tell from the amount of scarlet blood - _my blood oh my god - _everywhere and the unnatural angle my head was at. I could have swore I saw nubs of white - _is that my fucking spine oh my god what - _sticking out from the huge ass gash in my neck.

Feeling nauseous (or was it just a phantom feeling? I was _dead_ after all - I heard you weren't able to feel anything when you were dead) I turned away and noticed the truck that had hit me. No seriously, it was a big frikken' truck! How the hell did I miss that?

The Ryders' luck obviously, I reminded myself.

Now I know what ye are thinking. "Aren't you taking your death in pretty well? Why aren't you freaking out?" To put it simply, I was numb. My eyes were saying, "Oh dear, you've died hon." While my brains is going, "Oh, nah, that's impossible! I can't _die_ yet! Me - die? _Me? _No way, it's impossible, I have too much to do."

And the blood splatters that coated the bumper of the truck caught my eye. The driver looked horrified and he was staring at my body. Looking around, I notice cars coming to a stop and people pointing and screaming. And the obvious assholes _who were taking fucking photos._

I hissed. Seriously?! I die, and what do they do?

_Status Update: OMG!1!1 DIS GRL JUST GOT HIT!11! LOL xDDDD_

Fuck them. Fuck them all and this fucked up society. I better look fucking fabulous on facebook - I swear, if my last picture looks like there's a Quasimodo dead on the road-!

Oh, right, priorities. Well, now what was I supposed to do? Well, I could introduce myself for starters. Here goes!

My name is (was?) Flynn Ryder. I am (I was?) a 13 year old girl in a boring school in a boring town with a boring life - erm, death. The thing I liked most about myself, I suppose, was my slightly-longer-than-average red hair - deep red, none of that bright orange Weasley shite - and my bright orange-border-yellow eyes. Weird, I know, but I prefer weird to normal.

I hated my freckles. Despised them, the genetic curses they were, standing out on my deathly pale skin. And seeing as I'm always moaning about "The Ryder Luck" I suppose I should explain:

Us Ryders have a horrible streak of luck. Take, for example, my grandma. She smoked once - _once _- and she developed a tumour in her lung a week later and died. Or my great uncle Dan. He drank a couple of shots, ended up drunk out of his mind and in a bar fight, got punched so hard he knocked his head off a curb and died of blood loss.

And that's just the two of them - you don't even _want _to know some of the worst things we managed to do.

And, again life, seriously? Death at 13? That's...that's kind of gay, you know. No, scratch that, it is ultimate _bullshit_. What happened to graduating? Travelling the world? Being killed heroically by protecting a bunch of kiddies from a savage tiger? ...to that double art class I was gonna have this Friday!?

And another thing, I love art. I mostly sketch and mess around with water colours, and while I'm not exactly Leonardo da Vinci standard, I like to think I'm good enough.

I glance around, ignoring the paramedics rushing in with the...shock-you-back-to-life thingies, although it was slightly amusing to watch them shock my body yet really creepy at the same time, and thought about one thing...

Now what? Where was the whole "don't-walk-into-the-light" scene? Or Death? Or - or something! I didn't want to be stuck roaming the earth, forever watching people drink coffee without being able to have some myself...

I sighed inaudibly. _Um...Shinigami-sama? Death? Grim Reaper? Yo, anyone there? I would very much like to move on thanks. Yours sincerely, watching my dead body isn't that fun._

Nothing. Nada! I groaned (but I wasn't able to hear that either - maybe I was just imagining it? Maybe I was going crazy even in death?) and stamped on the ground rather childishly. What, was Ichigo off duty or something? Honestly, stupid gingers...

A sudden idea popped into mind. "O Mighty Jashin-sama," I began. Yes, I was a Narutard and yes this was absolutely ridiculous, but whatever, "I wish to be -" What now? In a fanfiction, people who had died would be reborn or tossed into the Naruverse...Me?

I'm gonna be original! I'm going to do something so ridiculous, so crazy, so..._hipster, _that I shall make huge changes! Amazing changes! Because of my original idea, to be...!

" - thrown into the Naruverse!"

Yep. 10 points to Gryffindor for originality, right? And I know, "Why don't you be reborn in the Naruverse! You could get chakra/kekki genkai, blah blah... Well, I kind of like being Flynn Ryder, not...Uchiha Sasukia, forgotten twin sister of Sasuke, or some shit, so I waited. Other than a slight breeze, nothing...wait. A breeze?

I frowned. From what I gathered at the crowd's lack of reaction to the ghost of the girl just killed talking to no one, I was invisible, and probably able to walk through things, even though I hadn't even moved yet. I felt an absolute lack of tiredness or urge to move - maybe, maybe it might have something to do with the fact I'm _dead?_

Anyways. The breeze slowly grew into a wind, which grew into a gale, which grew into what felt like a frikken' hurricane. I winced and attempted to shield my eyes with my hands...which were not solid. Well amn't I smart.

Not too long after the hurricane started - ok, like five seconds after - I was lifted off of my feet _again _and thrown backwards, although there wasn't any tearing of my skin this time, but my insides felt like they were being thrown upwards...

My eyes, which closed at the force of the wind, snapped open and my mouth popped open into a small 'o' of surprise. I was _falling through the Earth._

What. The. Fuck!? Life hack much? No, seriously, I was falling through the sewage drains, then through rocks (which felt really weird!) and then through the mantle which terrified me shitless (hey, if _you_ were encased in molten magma you wouldn't be laughing would you?) and I closed my eyes again.

Was I going to be falling forever? Or maybe I was going to Hell! I only drank that Baileys once, I swear!...ok maybe twice...or three times...or ten...It's not my fault that Irish whiskey is so good!

I kept my eyes closed and my thoughts began to be replaced with the noise of nothingness roaring past my ears filled my head up, pounding against my ears, tearing apart my skull...

And that was when I felt a pulling sensation in my stomach, which spread to my torso, then to my limbs and head and it felt like I was being pulled and pushed in every direction at once...

My poor fuzzy, possibly non-existent 13 year old mind couldn't take it. I blacked out.

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>Now Hinata was having a nice day. She ate breakfast with her team and sensei, had a vigorous training session soon after and was now chatting with her team-mates. Heck, Naruto-kun even <em>smiled<em> at her! So her day was coming along pretty nicely.

Right now Kiba, Shino, Hinata and Kurenai were sitting down in the training ground and eating bentos packed by Kurenai. The silence was only broken by the sounds of eating and the occasional bird song.

A sudden wave of something unnatural swept over the clearing out of nowhere. They all jumped up and Akamaru let out a low whine, ears flattened against his head as his master sniffed the air uncertainly. Shino's kikaichu were pooling out of his sleeves and buzzing in agitated rhythm. Hinata had activated her Byakugan and was scanning the surrounding area while their sensei had flipped out a kunai and barked out a, "Hinata, what do you see?"

Her pale lavender eyes stopped and stared at one point in particular in the sky, widening in disbelief. _What...?_ Her eyes trailed down and she stammered, "I-I-I don't know! I don't - I can't-! I-It's..."

"Shino?"

There was no emotion on said genin's face, other than the subtle slope of his eyebrows. "I can't tell sensei. My kikaichu are picking up on an enormous chakra-like presence." Kurenai's eyes narrowed. "Chakra-like? It's not actual chakra?" She questioned. Shino gave an affirmative nod.

"This needs to be reported to Hokage-sama. Stay there you three while I go get backup," Kurenai ordered, body-flickering away. Silence fell on the trio. "...should we get closer?" Kiba suggested.

Hinata shook her head, wide-eyed. "No K-Kiba-kun! Sensei t-told us to st-stay here!" Kiba rolled his eyes, "What do you think Shino? Shouldn't we get closer?" Shino merely adjusted his glasses again, and said, "It would be better to get a visual, but we shouldn't engage with whatever it is as it's...power levels are huge."

"Yosh! Let's go, Akamaru!" Kiba grinned. They sped off towards the source of the disruption with Shino following. Hinata hesitated, but after a second's indecision she chased after her team mates.

While jumping from tree to tree, Kiba spoke up, "Hey guys? What do you think it is, to have such big power levels?" Hinata shook her head in reply. "I d-don't know, Kiba-kun. My B-Byakugan picked up o-on something re-really strange...but I-I don't know what it i-is."

Shino nodded in agreement. "My kikaichu tell me that whatever the anomaly it is, it's power levels are massive, but it's chakra levels...they are almost non-existent. Even less than a civilians," he told them.

Kiba frowned. "That's strange; something your Byakugan and Kikaichu couldn't pick up on?" He grinned suddenly. "Whatever it is, it's gotta be strong! This is gonna be fun, ne, Akamaru?" Akamaru barked in reply.

A minute later, Hinata called out, "Hey, w-wait!" Kiba, Akamaru and Shino turned to look at her. Hinata's Byakugan was activated and she was looking off to the right. "O-over there. In that c-clearing." She pointed to where she was looking as she spoke.

Team 8 changed their course and reached the clearing a few seconds later. Akamaru whined and Kiba tilted his head in confusion. "A...girl?" For some reason, there was a small crater in the middle of the clearing, and in the centre lay a girl.

Shino frowned. "She looks like she was in a fight," he muttered. The girl looked to be around their age, with red hair that was matted in blood and she lay splayed in the crater. Her face was deathly pale and blood was running down her temple and down her neck, pooling in the hollow of her collarbone.

What wasn't covered was either cut or bloody, and she wore strange clothes which were tattered heavily and tugged up slightly at her stomach, revealing the bottom of a heavily bruised rib cage. Hinata blanched. "W-w-what happened t-to her?" she wondered.

"Should we help her? She looks like death," Kiba questioned. Shino hesitated. "...we should wait for backup. We do not know how strong she is - she might be an enemy kunoichi for all we know." Kiba frowned. "But she looks so beaten up, she can't really hurt us can she?"

"I don't know. We should head back and tell Kurenai-sensei what we've found," Shino replied, and Kiba sighed. "Fine. Let's go."

"A-Ano...guys, I-I'll catch up l-later..." Hinata mumbled, blushing. Kiba blinked. "Eh? Oh, ok then. See ya later Hinata! Don't stay too long!" He called over his shoulder as he jumped away. Hinata just nodded and the moment they were out of sight she jumped down to inspect the girl further.

_That's strange...in fact, it's abnormal - this girl...she doesn't have a chakra network! No tenketsu or anything! _

Hinata crouched down beside the girl, staring at her face for a moment, taking in the bluish hue to her lips. She reached out and touched the girls face, only to withdraw her hand. "S-She's ice cold!" She exclaimed.

She lifted up a limp wrist to check for a pulse, but found nothing. "She's...dead?" she mumbled to herself, eyebrows furrowing. Why was a battered body lying in a crater? In fact...Hinata thought back to when the wave of power swept over the clearing.

_What was that? Kiba, Shino and Kurenai-sensei didn't see anything, so I must have seen it because of my Byakugan...But what was it? It just looked like a normal girl...But then why was she only visible to the Byakugan? Even if she's dead and shouldn't have chakra, she doesn't have a chakra network...did she die because of it?_

Hinat bit her lip, mulling over her thoughts. _I should report this to sensei, _she decided, leaping up to the trees and back to the training grounds.

Hinata's day just got a lot stranger.

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>I groaned. My...everything hurt. My ribs most of all, and my knees and elbows felt like they were on fire. I cracked open an eye, shutting it immediately as light flooded into it. <em>Urgh...turn off the lights please...<em>

I felt the sun warming my face and frowned. Wasn't it raining before...

Right. Before I died. Wait, if I was dead, how could I feel the sun? Wasn't I a ghost or something? I opened my eyes again and attempted to sit up, letting out another groan as my muscles began protesting at the small movement.

I lay down again and closed my eyes, waiting as the pain faded back to a dull throb. I sniffed the air experimentally. It smelt fresh, fresher than the polluted shithole I lived in, so I could gather that I was somewhere different. But where? I listened keenly, making out the rustle of leaves and birdsong. So a forest then.

I opened my eyes for a third time, making out green blurs that I assumed were the crowns of trees, and the big blue blob was the sky. I sighed, and attempted to sit up again. I managed to get into a hunched over position despite my pain. Getting hit by a truck hurts...a lot.

I looked over my hands, vaguely noting the caked blood and various cuts on them, the skin peeled off in some parts. I placed them down in front of me and shifted around until I was on my knees, and I tried standing up, almost falling over from the pain in my legs.

Placing a hand on the tree behind me, I positioned myself until I was leaning against the tree, panting from the small exertion. Jesus, I was mess up bad wasn't I?

My vision began clearing up, so I studied where I was more. Apparently...I was lying a crater. A motherfucking crater? The hell? Looking up, I found I was a clearing in the middle of a forest. I swear, if I was in the middle of no where, with no coffee close by I was going to lose it!

Shakily, I put one leg in front of me and put a bit of weight on it, only to grab the tree behind me when it crumpled beneath me. "Why thank you Mr. Tree, you're such a gentleman," I mumbled. "No, I don't need any help, thank you. Oh, you meant a therapist? Well screw you too Mister Tree!" I yelled, pushing away from it...only to faceplant.

Right, jelly legs. I forgot. I sighed, the sound muffled by the earth my face was currently getting acquainted with, and lifted myself onto my arms again, staying in a kneeling position. I wasn't exactly fit to be moving around, but staying in the one spot was killing me.

_Ooh~! My coffee senses are a-tingling! This way! _I began crawling determinedly in a random direction, begging my coffee senses weren't wrong - they usually weren't. By god, I would crawl through Hell and back for a drop of coffee right now, I was parched!

I managed to crawl for about five minutes before collapsing again. I could have sworn I heard my muscles creaking, but maybe it's just me.

My eye-lids were feeling heavy. "Ooh...'m sure a...quiiick nap...wou'n't hur'..." I slurred sleepily, and I closed my eyes and fell asleep in the middle of a forest, with no clue where I was or if there were any wild animals around.

Aren't I smart?

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><p><strong>AN: ****And end! Bam, first fanfic bitchatchoes!**

**Yes girl dying and being thrown into the Naruverse is horribly cliche.**

**No I don't give a shit.**

**I hate Mondays *flips a table and froths at mouth in rage***

**IT'S ALMOST 4AM I SHOULD NOT BE AWAKE AND WRITING THIS AND MEOFICNEOCNFEOD I just want curry cheese chips T^T**

*** Yes that is a reference to **_**Monthy Python and the Holy Grail. **_**If you haven't seen it already you should watch it, captain's order!**

**Review please! Or don't. No cookie for you then! *sniffles***

**OH MY GOD MONDAYS, NO ONE LIKES YOU, NOT EVEN FAT GINGER CATS LIKE YOU, WE WANT THE WEEKEND BACK URGH.**

**School, nooooooo *falls into despair* Please, please, for the love of god, kill me and throw me in the Naruverse, please! Or better yet, make me reborn in the Naruverse! Then I can piss myself and be a little shit at 3 in the morning with good reason!**

**Omg I'm nervous to post this. Hriodedegbhn YOLO amirite?**

**...that was horrible kill me.**

**Anyways, shout out to Midna'sMadness here for inspiring me to actually upload this and not let it fall into the darkest recess' of my laptop :D You go girl! Also, check out her story, _God's Game_ right now. CAPTAIN'S ORDER! Seriously, it's amazing. Shameless advertising, but w/e!  
><strong>

***whispers* Fanfiction can't handle my swag.**


	2. I don't agree with doors

The Hokage sat behind his desk and puffed on his pipe agitatedly, shuffling the papers in front of him. There had been reports of men with black and read cloaks sighted repeatedly along the border between Fire and Sand. Given that the Chuunin Exams were coming up, it wasn't a good sign.

_Given that both the Kyuubi and the Ichibi Jinchuurikis are competing in the Exams, it's obvious what the Akatsuki are after. We need to tighten our security for when they attack... _Sarutobi Hiruzen steepled his fingers and rested his chin on them, sighing deeply.

Not to mention that strange shock wave that came out of nowhere, literally. What sort of jutsu could use so much raw power yet no detectable chakra? What would it even do? He had seen many a terrifying jutsu in his day, but none with this kind of power.

He was finding it hard to decide which team to send out to investigate the borders and jutsu, although Gai's team was beginning to sound like a good idea, what with the powerhouse of a jounin in charge. Just then the sound of knocking reached his ears.

Sitting up straight, he called, "Enter." The door opened to reveal one Yuhi Kurenai. "Hokage-sama," she greeted with a bow. He smiled warmly, "Kurenai," he returned, "What is it? You look alarmed."

Kurenai straightened out of her bow and looked him in the eye. "You felt it too, did you not?" She questioned. "I believe everyone in this village felt it," Sarutobi replied. "I wish to report, sir," she said.

Nodding his head for her to continue, she said, "When my team and I were in the training ground, we felt the...disruption. Shino's kikaichu couldn't pick up on any chakra but Hinata's Byakugan picked up on something, although Hinata herself couldn't describe it. I left them in the training grounds, although I doubt they would stay put," Kurenai finished with a small smile.

The Hokage nodded his head. "Alright, I shall send Kakashi to investigate the site with you and Team Eight." Just as he said that, Kakashi walked in the open door. "Yo, Hokage-sama, Kurenai," he greeted lazily. "He has already been briefed on his mission," Sarutobi said.

Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "Shall we go then?" She said. Kakashi nodded, eyes still trained on that perverted orange book of his. Bowing again to the Hokage, her and Kakashi shun-shinned out of the office and to the training grounds.

Noting only two of her genin, she asked, "Where's Hinata?" Kiba looked over at Shino, who stared right back, before sighing. "We wanted to get a visual of whatever cause that power..wave..thing... and we saw - um, a girl? But she was all bloody and pale and lying in the middle of a crater! And Hinata wanted to stay behind for whatever reason...and here she is now!" He pointed over behind the two jounins, who turned and saw Hinata running towards them.

Reaching her team, she stuttered, "H-Hello Kurenai-sensei and K-Kakashi-sensei!" "So? What did you find?" Kakashi asked, gaze never leaving that damned book. "A-ano...S-she was d-d-dead...a-and she didn't h-have a chakra net-network! No tenketsu or-or anything," she replied in a confused tone, eyebrows furrowing.

"A dead girl lying in a crater huh...Why don't you show us the way to the body?" Kakashi eye-smiled. Kiba grinned. "Yosh! Follow us!" He hollered over his shoulder and leapt away into the trees with Shino and Hinata beside him and Kakashi and Kurenai right behind.

After a few minutes of silent travelling they arrived at the clearing where the girl was. Except there was no body. What there were, though, were bloodmarks; a pool of blood where the body obviously had lay and drops and splatters of blood leading out of the crater, up to a tree (with blood on it that looked suspiciously like a hand print) and away into the bushes.

"We should follow it as it will probably lead to the body," Shino noted. Kurenai sighed through her nose. "Hinata, Kiba and Shino, you three go and find the body. Bring it back here. Me and Kakashi will collect blood samples and see if we can identify the girl," she ordered.

"Hai!" Team Eight chorused, and Akamaru barked, disappearing into the under-bushes of the forest. Kurenai turned to Kakashi. "So?" Kakashi glanced up at her briefly before going back to reading his book again.

"There's only two options, really. Either someone dragged the body away, or that body is very much alive," Kakashi drawled. Kurenai nodded, crouching down and pulling out a vial from the recess' of her pouch. She began scooping blood into the vial, being careful not to touch it with her hands. Kakashi simply leaned against a tree and read his book.

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><p>"I found her!" Kiba shouted suddenly. The blood was spread out in a wider area now, and underneath a tree lay the body of the girl. She lay belly down, and she looked the same as ever, blood and all.<p>

"W-W-Who do you think m-moved her?" Hinata wondered. Kiba shrugged. "I don't know - what do they want with the girl's body anyway?" he grumbled. Akamaru yipped in agreement.

"W-Well she definitely d-didn't have some sort of rare j-jutsu," Hinata pointed out. "Since s-she has no ch-chakra network." Shino spoke up from beside her, "How do you think she survived with no network?"

Hinata shrugged while Kiba said, "Ehh, I'm sure Kurenai-sensei can figure it out." He grabbed under the girls arms and said, "Oi Shino, you lift the legs and we'll take her back to Kurenai-sensei." Shino adjusted his glasses, then held out his arms, his kikaichu flying out of his sleeves and surrounding the girls body. "Let me," he said indifferently.

Slightly miffed, Kiba let go of the girl and trailed behind Shino with Hinata as they made their way back to the clearing. They stepped over the bloodied bushes while Shino's kikaichu lay the body down and flew back to Shino.

Kakashi closed his book with a snap, placing it in his pouch. "So this is the girl then?" He said. Kiba nodded. "Yeah, but we still don't know how she got here," he replied. Kakashi crouched down beside the girl, studying her.

"She's got strange clothes, anyway, so she definitely isn't from around here," he noted. "S-should we take her b-back to the Ho-Hokage?" Hinata asked. Kakashi stood up again, and eye-smiled. "I believe he would be interested in her. Did you find anything else?" He asked, and Kiba and Hinata shook their heads no.

"Maa, let's go then." Without warning he grabbed onto the trio and, pulling them close, he shun-shinned back to the Hokage who looked up at them expectantly. Hinata stumbled towards the wall, using it to support herself while Shino swayed slightly and Kiba fell on his butt.

"D-Don't do that again!" Kiba shouted dizzily. Kakashi just chuckled. A moment later Kurenai appeared with the body. "Here is what- who we found Hokage-sama," she announced. The Hokage peered over his papers to examine the body. "Hm...is she dead?" He asked.

Kurenai nodded. "Hinata says that she has no chakra network in her body," she informed him. The Hokage's eyebrows rose. "None at all?" When Team 8 nodded, he puffed on his pipe deeply. "Get her to the hospital. We need to run tests on her body," he ordered. How did she survive that long with no chakra network? Maybe somebody ripped it out? But the various wounds around her body, including her neck, told a different story. He just hoped the medics could figure it out.

"Hai!" They chorused, and as Kakashi grabbed the body, Kurenai and Team 8 shun-shinned to the hospital with Kakashi appearing moments later. Immediatly one of the medics rushed up to them. "Hokage-sama wants a team of medics to examine this body," Kurenai informed her, and nodding, the medic took the body off Kakashi and rushed off, a group of medics peeling away from the crowds and following her.

"Maa, I think I've kept my team waiting long enough. Ja ne," Kakashi said and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Kurenai turned back to her team, who were staring at her quizically. "Well, let's get back to training then shall we?" She said with a smile.

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>I was dizzy. I was confused. There was a strange sensation of burning crawling up my limbs before I blacked out again.<p>

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><p>There were distant shouts that sounded vaguely human. Who were they...? Not moving in the slightest, I realized the burning pain had disappeared to be replaced with a stabbing feel in my chest. Yet again, I blacked out.<p>

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><p>Now there was some bullshit about coming into consciousness gently. Like sounds slowly melting into reality, gentle blinking of the eyes, all this. But it's not true! They lie! Everything rushed back to me at once: The pain in my neck most of all, and my chest and limbs, and that stupid headache that wouldn't go away!<p>

Jerking, I sat upright quickly and felt something drift off my head, only to moan and clutch my head with one hand, the other clutching my stomach. It felt like I had swam in nettles or something, what with the stinging pain in my arms. My eyes, which had snapped open, squinted against the bright light and walls. Everything blurred and focused again, in rhythm with the pounding of my head.

After what must have been a few minutes, although they felt like an eternity, the pain in my head faded to a dull throb and I was able to take in my surroundings. I was in a bed, which was new to me. _So someone found me in the forest then..? _Was my first thought. My second was, _I wonder if they have coffee..._

There was a lack of anything around me; other than the bed which had a crisp white sheet that I realized had covered my head, there was nothing. Not a window, or a bedside table or anything. Just plain tiles and a bed, and IV's and the such sticking into me.

"Ahh..." I gasped quietly. I guess I must have went into shock or something after that accident - I mean, who turns into a fucking ghost? What was I smoking? - and had that weird dream of falling through the Earth, and waking up in a forest. Now someone probably called the ambulance and here I was, in hospital (I could tell by the bitter smell of anti-septic), about to be greeted by my friends and family!

After a few moments, nothing. "Huh." Was my intelligent reaction. Then again, why was there a lack of furniture in this room? Didn't really feel like a room for a patient, did it? Or maybe I was in a coma! I bit my lip. I better not have been out of it for, like, five years or something!

Scowling, I ripped out the tubes in my arms - always hated needles - and noted the lack of injury on my arms. _I guess they cleaned me up - wait, no shit, this is a hospital. I'm retarded._ I lifted the covers, glad to see I wasn't in one of those hospital robes that were open at the back, but I was in different clothes altogether. A white tunic or something that fell down to my knees, my scarlet hair splayed messily around me, but that was it.

"Huh," I said again. Then with horror, I realized someone had changed me. _Someone had seen me naked! _Noooo! I began blushing furiously. Oh god, kill me please! I was mortified. After a minute of panicking I calmed and decided on the best course of action.

_Well there isn't really much to do here, and that coffee ain't going to find itself! _"Alrighty!" I said out loud. "Commence operation: Get the hell outta the stinky room!"

Slowly, I shifted my body around until I my feet were on the ground and attempted to stand up. Even if I was a little shaky, I managed to stay upright. Noting the pain in my ribs at the movement, I peered down the neck of my robe-thingy only to grimace. My entire chest was littered with purple and yellow bruises. It looked like a fucking rainbow!

"Owie..." I moaned. I shuffled towards the door, my feet squeaking on the spotless tiles. Then I realized a lack of handles on my door. "Ehh?!" I cried out. All that was left was a groove! How the hell was I going to get to my coffee now? I grabbed the edges of the hole where the handle must have been and pulled. Nothing! "Shit..." I cursed softly.

Sudden inspiration hit me. Slowly, I pulled to my right...and the door opened. It was a _sliding _door. I blinked owlishly. "What the fuck?!" I swore quite loudly. "What the hell is a motherfucking _sliding door_ doing here? I'm not in Japan!" Then I realized that shouting and cussing wasn't the best idea. I peered to my right - and my left, learned my lesson from last time - and realized no one was there. Just an eerie silence.

I shuffled out of the room, shivering in the cool air. There were several door going down the pristine corridor; curious, I made my way over to the door nearest to me, beaming when I slide open the door. I don't know, it felt like an accomplishment not being beaten by a door. Aha! Take that doors! I bet you teamed up with Mr. Tree didn't you? Oh wait, Mr. Tree was in a dream...

I snapped myself out of my musings and stared into my room. "I can't see shit," I mumbled. The room was pitch black, as dark as my soul. Frowning, I entered the room and fumbled around the wall, searching for a light switch. After a moment of searching, my fingers brushed against something and the lights burst into life.

Wincing at the sudden attack on my retinas, I made out the shape of a body under the covers. Feeling apprehensive for whatever reason, I slowly walked over to the lump, and oh so slowly stretched my hand out and peeled off the sheet. I gasped and dropped it again.

Staring, unseeing eyes gazed up at me from a bone-white face, coldness radiating off of it. I stumbled backwards, my breathing coming quicker. A dead fucking body?! I was not expecting that! I ran - more like jogged - back out of the room, slamming the door shut.

Was...Was I in a morgue? Why? What? I glanced around at the other rooms, presumably filled with dead bodies too. And I was in the midst of them...why...? I looked down both sides of the corridor, before catching sight of a green sign hanging from the ceiling with an arrow on it pointing to the left.

I took off jogging towards it, frowning when I noticed the Kanji on it. "Maybe I am in Japan...?" I mused. Either way, right in front of me was a stair case, so I began walking up it. I noted how it got slightly warmer with every step I took.

I finally reached the top, and opened yet _another _sliding door. The sudden sound of chatting and talking hit me harshly and I winced. I took a few steps into the room, peering around cautiously. No one seemed to have noticed me - yet. I knew if I was caught the nurses would probably force me back into that room _surrounded by dead people_ and I definitely didn't want that, so I began weaving my way through the crows, wincing whenever someone would brush against my battered ribs.

After a few minutes of walking I found the exit. It was sunny outside - a sure sign I wasn't in my rainy hometown anymore. As I walked outside I shivered off the last of my cold and took in my surroundings a little more. Little children were running up and down the streets which were filled with stalls and people chattering happily to each other.

Dorothy was _definitely _not in Kansas anymore.

I decided to skip walking down the main road and chose to walk down the ally way to the left of me. Sure, walking away from the hospital when I was pretty badly injured wasn't really a good idea, but I never really had any good ideas so I just went with it.

Soon, after five minutes of enjoying the nice change in scenery, I checked myself over. Other than the robe, I had my wrist band that was a present from my dad and I never took off, so I was glad for that. Reaching up I felt around my ears and sighed in relief. They didn't take out my earrings! I had two small silver rings each lobe, and three studs on the upper shell of my left.

Looking to my left, I saw another alley. Looking to my right, I saw, gasp! Another alley. Was I lost? I looked behind me to an unmemorable alley. Yep, I was lost. In a place I had never seen before - I ignored that niggling feeling at the back of my mind that I _had_ seen this place before - and with no one I knew around.

...Was it still Monday?

Huffing irately I climbed up a large dumpster with some difficulty due to my ribs and peered over it. All that was there was a litte boring-looking garden. I glanced around and realized that I must be in a housing estate. Shit!

I jumped down and tried to land gracefully but I stumbled and fell. "Damn!" I grumbled, brushing myself off and getting up. _Huh, maybe someone can give me directions?_ I mused. I walked around the corner, down _another_ alley and found myself in front of a rundown looking apartments door. I glanced up. It must have been two or three stories high.

Sighing I made my way inside. There was an abandoned receptionist's desk in front of me and beside that a stairwell. I made my way up that, and hesitated at the first floor. _My outfit isn't exactly...modest, is it, _I thought dejectedly. Oh how I hated dresses...

I tugged down on the hem of the robe self-consciously and knocked at a random door. _Oh please oh please oh please don't let it be a guy..._

The door parted slightly, revealing sapphire blue eyes, amazingly blond hair - was it dyed? - and...a guy in a bright orange jumpsuit. Inwardly, I wailed. _Noo! Life hates me! Ah - please don't be a perv..._ Outwardly, I smiled nervously. "Erm, hi...?"

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>"Erm, hi...?"<p>

Naruto blinked. He had been eating his lunch - ramen, surpise surprise - when there was a knock at the door. Thinking it was Sakura about to sucker punch him for being late for a team meeting (honestly, if Kakashi-sensei was going to be three hours late, it wasn't exactly unjustified to get a bit of grub was it?) he opened the door warily, ready to close it.

He blinked, staring at the girl in a white robe who was blushing slightly. "Ano...who are you?" Naruto asked bluntly. "Oh! - um, I'm Flynn. Flynn Ryder," she said quickly, and kept one hand on the bottom of her dress while the other ran through her blood-red hair.

"So! I'm kind of new here and I got lost, so can you give me directions to, um, the exit of this town...?" Naruto opened the door a bit further, glancing to her hair and piecing together the information in his mind.

He grinned. "Sure! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!" He said. She blinked, seemingly overwhelmed by his sudden friendliness, before she grinned back. "Nice to meet ya!" She chirped happily.

Naruto stepped out of his apartment, locked the door behind him before grabbing Ryder's hand and running down the stairs. "So Ryder-" he began, but she interrupted, "Ah, no, my name's Flynn?" Naruto stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turning back to her and scratching his head confusedly. "But you said your name was Flynn Ryder right?" She nodded. "Yeah, Flynn." Naruto shrugged it off. "Oh, well, my first name's Naruto, not Uzumaki," he told her.

He began running again with Flynn struggling to keep up with him. "So Flynn, what do you think of Konoha so far?" He asked. She was silent for a moment, before she shrugged slightly and said, "I don't know. I've been in hospital for god knows how long and haven't seen anything else." Her nose scrunched up and she stuck out her tongue. "You're not gonna make me go back are you? 'Cause it stinks in there," she grumbled.

Naruto laughed. "Nah, can't stand the place myself!" Flynn chuckled behind him, panting slightly, before asking, "Where are we going?" Naruto grinned at her, somehow managing to not run into anything even when he wasnt looking, "Well, let's go meet my team! We have a meeting - erm, had, our sensei is always late, so I thought I should introduce you to them!"

Flynn tilted her head. "Hahh...You know, you're awfully kind...hah..for a stranger," she said between pants. "Are we long lost relatives...hahh...or something and I've just forgotten you?" She questioned. Naruto snorted. "Nope, never seen you before in my life," he informed her, "and I just felt like it cause I have nothing better to do anyway, plus you seem nice too!"

Soon they had to stop at a bridge because Flynn needed to catch her breath - but coincidentally, it was where Sasuke and Sakura were waiting for him and their sensei. "Naruto! Why are you late- and who is this?" Sakura yelled at him, pointing to the girl who was panting heavily.

"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan, Kakashi sensei still isn't here so no harm done right?" Naruto smiled sheepishly, only to get cuffed around the head by her. "Baka! You can't just go running off and bring back random girls! Isn't that right Sasuke-kun?" She went from growling to cooing sweetly pretty quickly.

"Hn." Was Sasuke's oh-so clever reply. "Who are you?" Sakura asked Flynn. "I'm..hahh..Flynn...Flynn Ryder. Or would it be Ryder Flynn?" she mused, and turned to Naruto. "Ano, second name goes first," Naruto responded to her gaze. "Ah. Ryder Flynn then," she told Sakura firmly, who just stared at her like she doubted her sanity.

"Eto...Anyways, I'm Haruno Sakura, and this is Uchiha Sasuke-kun!" She squealed, blushing. "Hn," was all the Uchiha said. Flynn huffed. "Can-can he speak or is 'hn' all he knows?" She asked Naruto, who promptly burst out laughing.

Sasuke bristled. "Yes, I can speak, obviously," he growled. Flynn just blinked at him. "Oh, should have said so sooner," she said flatly. "Don't speak to Sasuke-kun like that!" Sakura hissed at her, but she just shrugged her off.

An awkward moment of silence passed, before Flynn burst out, "I want pancakes!" Everyone turned to stare at her weirdly. "What? Pancakes. Enough said," she grinned. "...what are pancakes?" Naruto asked.

Flynn gaped at him. "What-what? You don't know want pancakes are?!" She grabbed his shoulders and began shaking him mercilessly. "You have not lived, lad, you have not lived!" She cried dramatically.

Sakura sighed. Another crazy person to deal with... Although at least she had her dearly beloved... "Sasuke-kun!" Sakura squealed as he sighed. _Too cool..!_

The sound of footsteps reached their ears, and they all turned - except for Naruto, he was too dizzy - and saw Kakashi approaching, reading Icha Icha again.

"Yo, sorry I'm late but there was this old lady with groceries-" he began, but was cut off by a loud shout of, "LIAR!" from Naruto and Sakura. Just then Kakashi glanced up and froze at the sight of Flynn.

"You!" He growled.

"Me!" Flynn replied happily.

"Her?" Naruto pointed at his new friend in confusion.

"Hn." That was Sasuke's input.

"Sasuke-kun~!" Three guesses who said that.

Next thing they knew, Flynn was on the ground with Kakashi leaning over her and a kunai at her neck. "Who are you," he growled. "Ah-um - Ryder Flynn?" Flynn tried, only to have the kunai dug in further and a thin trickle of blood run down her neck.

"Ok, this is completely uncalled for!" Flynn whined. "Oi! Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing?!" Naruto exclaimed. "She is an enemy kunoichi who managed to sneak past the border," said man replied. "I'm a what now." Flynn deadpanned.

"Which village are you from? What's your purpose?" Kakashi questioned. "O-Ok, I'll answer you if you let me up!" Flynn cried - a kunai at one's throat was quite daunting. The only visible eye narrowed, obviously debating whether or not to let her up. Slowly, the kunai drew back from Flynn's throat and Kakashi drew back, but it was still out and ready to be thrown.

This was not fair! Jesus christ my ribs are killing me right now - and what did I do to warrant a knife..thing at my throat?! I sat up slowly, rubbing my stinging throat and glared at that man.

"Ok, I'm from Ireland-" no need to go into specifics now was there? "-and my purpose..." I thought back. "..um, to get better? I don't know, I was hit by a truck, my memory is a bit fuzzy."

The man glared at me, obviously not amused. "Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, get behind me," he ordered, and the three who had been observing the drama in front of them moved behind him, staring at me.

I glanced down. What, did I have something on my face? Just as I was rubbing my face (they were still staring at me, the creeps) he spoke again, "How are you alive?" I froze. "What."

"How are you alive?" He repeated. I looked up slowly, and stared him in the eye. "Are you retarded." I asked seriously. How am I alive? Are you kidding me? Someone didn't listen in class...

_Whistle!_

_Thud!_

I turned slowly around and stared hard at the knife implanted in the ground behind me. Was he trying to kill me?! The crazy bastard! "Don't mess around," he spat, "how are you alive? You don't have any chakra."

I eyed him carefully, shifting up into a crouch, wincing as my ribs protested. "What's...chakra?" I asked, eyebrows furrowing. Now _that_ I had definitely heard before...but where? Whenever I tried to grasp the memory it seemed to disappear...

"What's chakra? Have you been living under a rock your whole life?" Naruto exclaimed. I gave him a funny look. "No...just, what? I don't have chakra so I can't be alive?" My gaze shifted back to the guy with hair that never heard of gravity before. "So...any reason why you attacked me? 'Cause I'll sue you," I grumbled.

Silver, as I had nicknamed him, eyed me warily before dropping the defensive stance he was in. Then out of nowhere he was suddenly up close and personal. I squeaked as his hand shot out and snatched up my wrist.

"Oi - what the fuck man?" I cursed. "Stay still," he ordered. His fingers were in a position that one usually took when searching for a pulse, but they seemed hotter than normal-? No, not as in they looked nice, I mean that they were frikken' roasting! Did he go around poking lava or what?

He stood up and dragged me up with him (I definitely heard my ribs creak at that!) and said in a curt tone, "Stay here," before my whole world flipped upside down and around and oh my god what the hell-

Everything stilled suddenly and my legs gave out, so I was literally being held up by Silver. "Kakashi-san!"

I craned my neck up at a tall man striding over. He had a heavily scarred face and a weird bandana thing on his head. His gaze shifted from Silver to me and I stuck my tongue out at him.

He glared at me and I hastily stuck my tongue back into my mouth. Silver and Scar-y began conversing in low tones while I tugged - with no avail - to get my hand out of Silver's grip.

Suddenly Silver let go of my hand and I crashed to the floor, a pained yelp escaping my lips, and Scar-y leaned down and picked my up, tossing me over his shoulder. "O-Oi, lemme go bastard!" I hissed at him, beating at his lower back with my fists.

Scar-y continued on like he couldn't feel my attacks - he probably couldn't, I was weak as fuck - and began walking down a stairwell. I lifted my head up and mouthed 'Traitor!' at Silver who just poofed away. "Pff, shitty bastard, I can poof away too," I mumbled. "POOF!" I screamed suddenly.

"Aww, I could have sworn it would work," I pouted, crossing my arms and glaring at the steps as the passed under Scar-y's feet. After what felt like an age walking down steps I got bored.

"Hey, Scar-y, you guys got coffee?" I asked. No reply. "See, funny thing is, that's how I got here," I continued. He didn't reply, but I felt his head twitch slightly against my ribs - _ow. _So he _was_ listening! "Oh, but is it still Monday? I hope it's not Monday. Mondays suck. Like seriously, they are whores, twenty cents for an hour! Honestly, it should've listened in school more and it _might _have understood how babies are made and-" Scar-y jostled me roughly in an attempt to shut me up.

_My fucking ribs!_

I sighed. "I just wanted coffee~" I whined, and after a few seconds of nothing but footsteps reaching my ears I began singing. "But you didn't have to cut me off! Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing~ And I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough~" I sang. Sue me, I was bored and everyone sings when they're bored, right?

"Shut up brat," Scar-y growled beneath me. "Oh. Not a fan of Gotye then? How about Carly Rae Jepson? HEY, I JUST MET YOU! AND THIS IS CRAZY! BUT HERE'S MY NUMBER! SO CALL ME MAYBE!" I screamed/sang.

"Shut up!" He hissed, and jostled me again. "Ah, ok, how about some nice soothing metallica-?" I was cut off (again!) by the sound of a heavy door opening and then swinging shut behind us.

Scar-y put me in a chair and before I could get up again he shackled my wrists to the arms of the chair. I shook my arms about, frowning when the wouldn't budge. "Oh come on!" I sighed. Meanwhile Scar-y took place in between the door and me, and draw a scalpel of some sort out of the recess' of his tent- excuse me, jacket - and spun it around his fingers.

"Start talking." He said threateningly. "Ah - but I was talking before? Or would that count as singing? So I was singing instead? But I was talking in between-"

Scar-y's fist slammed down on the table and I jumped. "Where are you from?" He questioned. "Ireland!" I replied happily. His eyes narrowed. "Stop lying, I'm not a fool," he growled. I gaped at him. "Oh c'mon! I know Ireland's small but I didn't think there was someone who wouldn't know that it exists!" I gasped.

He raised a brow, but continued on, "Are you a spy from Iwa? Kiri?" I frowned at him. "Um...are...are those places from Japan? Cause I'm not from Japan, by the way," I felt compelled to point out. Next thing I knew there was a stinging in my left check and something silver was visible in the corner of my eye.

I gulped and eyed the scalpel which now rested less than a centimetre away from my head. This guy was not messing around then...

"What are your intentions in Konohagakure?" He asked again, completely unaffected by throwing a scalpel at a frikken' kid! Society these days!

"Um- I didn't come here intentionally, let it be said! But um..." Now how do you tell a guy you got hit by a truck, may or may not have hullicinated being in a forest and woke up surrounded by dead people?

"I had an accident and woke up in hospital, eh!" I told him, then winced. There it was, that annoying verbal tic I had when I was nervous or annoyed. "What kind of accident then? Found out by our ninja?" He grinned nastily at me.

I stared at him. And stared some more.

"What have you been smoking and where can I get some," I deadpanned after a moment. These people are just too weird for me... "Ninja? Seriously? Even I know they're just a child's tale. Sure, next thing you'll say is that your Oisín from Tir na Nog," I said tiredly. He probably would, if he was crazy enough to suggest ninja of all things.

Scar-y eyed me for a long terse moment. I pursed my lips, expecting a scalpel in the eye or something, so I blinked when he straightened up and rubbed his temple, muttering something under his breath that sounded like, "Kakashi-san was right when he said she knew nothing..."

I huffed. _I take offense to that Scar-y...and I need to stop calling you that. _"Yo, Scar-y, what's your name? Cause I doubt it's Scar-y," I said suddenly. He just looked at me before walking out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

"Oi! Bastard! Don't just leave me tied to a chair!" I shouted after him. "I'm a celebrity get me out of here?" I tried after that, to no avail. No scarred men or tents in sight. "Ah...ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli," I said in my best robot voice.

Nothing.

I began shouting random things at the door, cursing at it and staring at it but nothing appeared to work. Maybe it was a test? Maybe I had to befriend mister door?

I blinked, and realized something. "Hey! You're not a sliding door! So you're not on Mr. Tree's side are you?" I grinned. "Look, look! We're allies here buddy! Get me out of here and I'll oil you!" I sighed when Mr. Door didn't reply. Then again, I would be freaked out if he _did _reply.

I got bored of the silence easily and began trying to hold a conversation with Mr. Door again. "So once there was a salmon of knowledge..." I began, and I told him all the myths I knew of, Oisín of Tir Na Nog, Fionn and the Giant and so on.

"...and then Setenta promised him to be the new Cuchulainn!" I finished happily. "See, interesting things happen sometimes..." I trailed off. My throat was beginning to get sore. "Um, hey, can I get some water here or something?" When no one replied I huffed. "You have bad customer service! I give you one star! One!"

After another few moments, I sighed. This was gonna be a bad Monday wasn't it?

...I knew I should have stayed in hospital.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for all your replies! =^.^= I never knew how awesome it was to get them! :3**

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**You click on it.**

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**See? 3 simple steps! Reviews keep authors happy! :D**  
><strong>And thanks again to Mina'sMadness! Not Midna's. I was tired and sleepy when I wrote that, sorry. And to The Badger Congregation! God knows ye two are my muse! :D<strong>  
><strong>How come whenever I'm finished a chapter it's always late at night...?<strong>  
><strong>HALLELUJAH! MID-TERM! A WHOLE WEEK OF SLEEPING AND DOING NOTHING, TIS A WONDERFUL TIME INDEED! 8D<strong>

**Question: How many of ye out there have ever played piano? Or have you ever wanted to play an instrument?**


	3. Flames of Youth - help

I sighed. My throat was killing me as I hadn't had water for God knows how long and I was _still_ shackled to this damned chair! "I swear, everything has teamed up with Mr. Tree..." I mumbled. "Uh - but not you Mr. Door!" I said quickly. I didn't want to offend my only ally in this place.

_It's ok, I'm not offended, _Mr. Door would have said if he could talk. I sighed again. "Really? Thank god for that!" I said in relief. Ok, I was going a bit crazy, but don't tell me you wouldn't get bored if you were in the same position for ages!

But there were a few things confusing me in this situation:

One, why would you even place a thirteen year old in an interrogation room in the first place? Two, why am I in frikken' _Japan _of all places? Three, why the hell amn't I hungry? I had been in here for a day, maybe, but I didn't even feel the slightest bit hungry, or felt the need to go toilet. It was so confusing.

I swung my feet to and fro, as they barely even brushed the ground, and began humming to myself. "The islands in the east are warm...Paina-purupuru...Their heads get really hot...And they're all idiots..."

My voice echoed back at me, the only sound in this damned place. My eye twitched. "HEEYYYYYY! GET ME OUT OF HERE! I HAVEN'T BURNT DOWN ANYTHING IN AGES, I SWEAR...YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!" I screamed...which only hurt my throat even more.

I rubbed my aching throat, frowning. What was I supposed to do? I had befriended Mr. Door, wasn't that the test? "Urrghhh..." I groaned. I felt like a zombie!

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>The Hokage's day had certainly been weird. First, that shock wave, then the body of a girl, then Kakashi reporting how the girl was walking around somehow. But one thing Kakashi had said kept replaying itself in his mind.<p>

_"I had checked her wrist for a pulse, Hokage-sama, but there wasn't any and her skin was ice-cold. She is literally a dead body walking."_

And seeing as she didn't have any chakra networks to speak of, she wasn't an Edo Tensei summoning, as the summoner would use the soul of someone who could use jutsu.

_Then why is she alive?_ He pondered. Or, _how_ was she alive - if you could even call it being alive. The medics had informed him that she had several injuries: her ribs were cracked and her arms had several torn muscles and ligaments in them, as well as her legs. They had fixed the body up to the best of their abilities, but they weren't able to fix some vital organs, like her heart or stomach, which remained in pieces, apparently.

Currently, the girl was being held in one of the interrogation rooms. Ibiki had mildly interrogated her (only one scalpel - it was an accomplishment for Ibiki not to permanently scar someone...) and found that she wasn't an enemy kunoichi and from a place called "Are land*".

Honestly, if it wasn't for the whole 'zombie-person-who-shouldn't-be-moving' thing he would just wait for her to get better and let her stay as a civilian (wouldn't want her to get captured and tortured for information by enemy shinobi, now) but he couldn't.

It was, as Shikaku would say, troublesome. Based on all of the information Ibiki and Kakashi had gathered, the girl had no chakra, didn't even _know _what chakra was, and wasn't from any of the five great nations - Ibiki would know if she lied, he was an expert. Maybe she was from one of those Western countries? But they hadn't had contact in centuries, and she knew the language...**

He sighed. This was giving him a headache! What was he to do? Some of the medics were itching to run tests on the girl, seeing as she was a medical miracle, but that would be unfair to her. She was young, as young as a genin, and it'd be cruel to force her through tests like a lab rat.

Maybe he should place her under watch - yet the girl certainly wasn't a threat to the village so it would be a waste of ANBU... Well, they would definitely have to found out how she was moving, although not through tests, but how?

_Maybe she is some form of experiment...? Like a mutation of the Edo Tensei jutsu? _He pondered. He wouldn't put it past Orochimaru to force some poor child's soul into a body with no chakra coils. _So we'd have to keep an eye on her, in case she is bound to Orochimaru's will like normal Edo Tensei summons and attacks someone. We'd need someone capable of keeping her under check if she _does_ go crazy..._ He sighed. That poor poor girl.

"ANBU." The Hokage called, and a bird-mask wearing ANBU appeared. "Can you fetch the messenger hawk?" "Hai." With that, the ANBU flashed away. Hiruzen pulled out a scroll, a brush and an ink pot.

_'Dear Maito Gai...'_

The Sandaime sighed again, an action that was becoming a bad habit. That poor girl would have to endure the Flames of Youth...

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>I let out a low groan. There was nothing to do in this place! It was frikken' spotless, and other than the table, chair and myself there was nothing! Nothing! Mr. Door had been giving me the cold shoulder after I tried flirting with him (could have sworn I had muffled laughter coming from behind one of those walls) and now I was attempting to beat box. Although that was rather hard seeing as how I had to lean down to get my fist to my mouth, and the sound came out rather muffled.<p>

After my third attempt, I gave up. "I'm going crazy in here!" I moaned. "Talking to doors, hearing things...Honestly, just give me some coffee! It's all I wanted~" My head slumped forward. Might as well take a quick nap right?

But fate seemed to hate me - or love me, it was hard to tell - and the sound of Mr. Door opening brought me back to my senses, and I raised my head excitedly. "Mr Door, have you decided to accept my lo-oove?" My voice trailed off as I was met with the sight of an old man who was flanked by two mask-wearing guards.

"...I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond," I said in my best villain voice. The man just chuckled! "So are you here to tell me that I'm not from Ireland again and throw pointy things at me?" I asked wearily. I've learned that you can never ever trust old men - they're either freakishly strong like Bumi or creepy kidnappers!

"No, I'm afraid not," he said, smiling. "ANBU?" He said suddenly. The two men - women maybe, I couldn't tell - disappeared, and suddenly my wrists were free. I stood up, stiff from sitting there for ages, and muttered a few curses as my ribs ached.

"Follow us." I squeaked and spun around - the two mask fetish people were behind me! Stupid magicians, always magicking behind me! They stared at me indifferently as I shuffled backwards, keeping my eyes on them. Maybe they were Weeping Angels? I blinked, and they were still there. I let out a sigh of relief.

"I would not have been able to handle Weeping Angels!" I said as I pivoted on my heel to face the old man - and the guards. "Eh-?" I looked behind me, and the guards were gone. "Fricken' magicians..." I mumbled under my breath.

"Come," the old man said, and walked out of this room, while the guards remained impassive. To stop me attacking the old man from behind, I suppose. I shuffled after him, weary of my ribs hurting me again.

We walked in silence down the corridor, until we reached the stairwell. "Aww, what? We're gonna have to climb all of these stairs? Seriously? That's so gay..." I moaned. I didn't fancy the idea of aggravating my injuries anymore than they already were, thanks.

"Are you tired already? And you're younger than me!" The man laughed. "N-No...pfft...this is nothing.." I mumbled. _Oh god, you know you're pathetic when you get given out to by old men!_

I walked behind the old man on the staircase, leaning heavily on the banister. Each step jarred my ribs and made me wince. I glared at the sign that was mocking me. 5 more flights to go...

"Hey, what's your name then?" I asked to break the silence. "Hmm? I'm Sarutobi Hiruzen, and you, young lady?" Replied..Hiruzen. Ha! Silly people, thinking you can fool me with your weird way of talking! "I'm Ryder Flynn." I said.

"Ryder Flynn eh?" Old man Hiruzen seemed confused. "That's a strange name - you're definitely not from around here are you?" I rolled my eyes. "As I have stated before, no, I'm not from Japan. Although it's not really a common name in Ireland either..." I mused.

After what felt like an hour we reached the lobby of the building I was in. It was pretty plain, barely any furnishings. Well, I don't think torture was _supposed_ to be comfortable...

A billowing tent/coat caught my attention. _No way...is that-?_ I spun around, grinning like a mad man. I waved my hand enthusiastically. "Hey! Scar-y! It's me!" I called. He twitched visibly, turning his head around enough to glare at me. And walked on. The bastard ignored me!

Attempting to hold back my pout - and failing - I followed Old man Hiruzen out of the... I looked around for a sign. Where was I anyway? I saw a sign - that was in Japanese. Great! Just great - I'm stuck in a place I don't know, with people who like to mess with me, and I can't even tell where I'm going!

I huffed. _Shit!_ I jogged to catch up with Hiruzen who had walked off without me - probably forgot about me, senile old man - and walked quietly behind him, enjoying the feeling of the sun on my back instead of constant downpour.

"So where are we anyway?" I asked, breaking the silence again. Old man Hiruzen stopped, blinking at me incredulously. "You...don't know?" He asked, eyebrow raised. "Even though we came out of 'Konoha's Intelligence and Torture Building'?" I felt sweat drip down my neck. _So...I was being...mindfucked - erm, tortured? Konoha...? Wha- oh right, Japan...Oh gods, I have to bullshit! _"Well, um...I-I'm kind of embarrassed to admit, but I'm..um...dyslexic," I lied, blushing out of nerves and scratching my head. I just hoped I resembled an embarrassed girl - would I fool him?

"Oh, well why didn't you say so?" Hiruzen laughed. "Sorry, you're in Konohagakure, in Hi no Kuni." "Konohagu-Konagak-Konoha?" I stuttered, shit was hard to pronounce. He nodded. "Yes, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, one of the five great nations."

"Oh, Scar-y mentioned those! Um...Iwan and Kira?" I piped up, trying to remember the other countries Scar-y mentioned. Hiruzen nodded again, smiling at my attempt. "There is Iwagakure, Kirigakure, Sunagakure, Konohagakure and Kumogakure, the five Hidden Villages, and other countries too." He told me. I went through the information in my head, realizing that he hadn't told me anything I could use to possibly harm anyone - smart man.

Of course, I could hardly blow up these 'gakures' now could I?

While the thought was amusing, I wouldn't want to become the Osama Bin Laden of Konoha, having the FBI breaking into my place while I'm eating my cookies. Illegally hoarded, of course, but cookies nonetheless.

Ah, I was going too far into this wasn't I? My gaze eventually wandered from the _very _interesting back of one Old Man Hiruzen, and to the shops that surrounded us on both sides. There were bakeries, selling pastries I had never seen before (I saw colourful balls on a stick...I must try it!) and others that were weapon shops, apparently, if the weird knife things, throwing-stars, swords and whatnot were anything to go by.

_So...This place has weapons and an Interrogation Centre, presumably a military force in Konoha then. And most likely in the other gakures too. These Five Great Nations - what made them great? Size? Hardly. So it would have to be something impressive, something that would rank it higher on the danger scale..._ I gulped, one conversation with Scar-y in mind.

_'What kind of accident then? Found out by our ninja?'_

Oh yes. Ninjas. Those tended to be dangerous... But it was bullshit! Ninja didn't exist! There were hardly nations of ninja now - were there? _No_, I told myself firmly, _you're just thinking too far into things! Sure, they have weapon shops and they probably have armies, but that - ninja? Is that the best you could come up with now?_

I eyed Hiruzen in front of me. I would have to ask him if I wanted answers, but that could wait. "Yo, Old Man Hiruzen!" I called, causing him to look at me over his shoulder...while still walking and managing not to crash into anything. Everyone in this place had that special ability! I'd probably trip over nothing - hell, I do that even with both eyes ahead of me.

"Where are we going?" I asked. This caused him to hum in thought and face forward again. I waited for his answer; I could be patient sometimes. "Well, there are certain...things, we need to check out, Flynn-san, so I'm placing you on a squad with one of our jounin, and we're going to the meeting place now," he replied.

"Hm...Okay!" I chirped, finding no flawed reasoning behind that. I mean, strange girl gets dragged of to T&I? Place her under watch! Yes, I did know I was being placed under watch, but I couldn't see the reason why, actually. I mean, was Konoha just paranoid or was there another factor I was missing? I was only thirteen for god's sake, what could I do?

After another few minutes, we reached an empty enough space, with worn looking targets and dummies here and there, fenced off with mesh wire and a sign with "22" on it, and some kanji. _Must be a training ground or something, _I reckoned.

And when I say empty enough, I mean four other people stood in the middle. One was the tallest, a man...with a monstrosity of a haircut...with a leotard? And there seemed to be a mini-monster beside him, looking identical down to those fuzzy eyebrows.

There was a girl too, to my relief, with two buns and boyish enough clothes. I decided I liked her on the spot. And then there was another...girl? Boy? Okama? With these weird ass eyes, he looked blind! But if how he was glaring at the Green Beast duo was any sign, he wasn't. But his _hair..._ Oh my god it looked really soft!

I suppose, eventually, they had stopped their bickering (as mini-green beast was yelling something happily to Princess boy) as they had heard our approach. "Team Gai," Old Man Hiruzen greeted. "Hokage-sama," the four chorused back at him, and I could _feel _their gazes and they stared at me. I stared back.

"Ah, Hokage-sama! So this is the youthful girl you were telling me about?" Green Beast mega asked...declared? It felt like a declaration. Hell, his teeth even _sparkled_. More life hax I suppose.

"Indeed she is, Gai. Ryder Flynn, meet Maito Gai-" He gestured to Green Beast mega, who struck a pose, "-Rock Lee-" He gestured to mini-Green Beast, who took up the same pose as his Mega, "-Hyuuga Neji-" Princess boy stared at me impassively, "-and Tenten." He finished, pointing to the girl, who smiled and waved at me. I waved back, grinning. "Team Gai, meet Ryder Flynn."

"Yo." That was my greeting. In an instant, my sight was blocked by eyebrows. "Yosh! Let us run one thousand laps around the Village and let our flames of youth burn bright! " He declared passionately. I took a step back, bracing myself from the crazy. "Yeah, sounds great, but no," I declined quickly.

Tenten glared at Lee, whacking him over the back of the head. "No need to scare her Lee!" She reprimanded. I grinned at her. "I like you!" I told her, to which she smiled at. "Likewise." I looked over at Princess boy. "Hi!" I greeted, only to meet a cold stare.

"Oh-Oh ok then, teaming up with Mr. Door are you! I swear everything here's against me..." I grumbled, causing Princess to give me a weird look - while still looking angry - and Lee and Gai to laugh. I repressed a shudder - Oh lord those laughs were terrifying.

"I will leave it to you Gai," Hiruzen smiled, shuffling off to do whatever old men do, I suppose. There was about a second of awkward silence before Gai's booming laughter rang out. "Flynn-chan! Let us run twenty warm-up laps around Konoha in the name of youth!" He cried, and I shook my head furiously.

"Oh hell naw, I'm - I'm allergic to exercise - no, what are you doi- _no don't drag me into this no no what are you I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE AAAGHHH!"_

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>I collapsed, panting like a dog on the ground after about 10 laps. I liked to think I had stamina - <em>some <em>at least - but really...that Monster Duo were terrifying! They were on their thirty something-th lap while I was on my seventh. Either they were amazingly fast, or I was slower than I thought. I was leaning towards the former.

I moaned as my body ached all over, my ribs not the only part of my body hurting like hell now. Hurray. But what was worse was that it was going to be so much more painful tomorrow. Curse you Gai and your youth! I swear I was going to have nightmares of green spandex and eyebrows.

I rolled over onto my front, pushing myself up onto my knees with sore arms. I frowned. Surely my arms shouldn't hurt that much? _It wasn't like I was walking on my hands... _The screams of youth and to green blurs passing by me drew my attention. _...like the Monster Duo._

Maybe now I could go home and sleep, have a shower? I froze were I sat. Shit - I didn't exactly have a home here did I? Where was I going to sleep? I thought hard about that.

The Monster Duo were out of the question, they probably sleep-youth. Princess boy...if the glares I received from him were anything to go by, he didn't exactly want to get friendly with me. Tenten maybe? She seemed more plausible, being the only sane one here and a girl too. Ah, but I've just met her! _Just explain your situation to her, I'm sure she'll understand, _some voice at the back of my head said. I scoffed mentally.

'Hello! Yes I may only have known you for a few hours, but can I crash here for tonight?'

No way! So where -? An image of a certain friendly orange-menace sprang to mind. Naruto! Naruto wouldn't mind, Naruto was chill. With that in mind, I got up and hollered over my shoulder, "See ya tomorrow!" before walking (read: limping) off towards the vague direction where I was pretty sure Naruto lived. Maybe. Hopefully.

It was evening time and the setting sun was casting oranges and reds into the sky. It was pretty. There was less children running about now, and a few adults picking up some last-minute groceries, while I walked through the village towards my showe-Naruto. It was nice, peaceful.

I let out a sigh of relief as the rickety apartment came into view. I dragged my ass up the stairs and knocked on his door. It was flung open immediately and I was squashed by orange. "Flynn-chan! I was so worried where were you why did sensei drag you off like that oh my god are you ok-" I flailed pathetically, managed to clip Naruto on the nose and shut him up. "Ca'-bre-he" I gasped, turning blue.

"Oh, sorry!" He yelped, dropping me like I was hot. I gasped for sweet sweet air and stood up once more. "Um.." I shuffled on my feet, running a hand through my hair which was like a bird's nest.

"C-Can I stay here -eh? I don't mean to intrude, I just don't have anywhere else to stay." I asked. Naruto blinked once, twice, then beamed. I swear the room grew a little brighter. "Sure Flynn-chan! I've got a futon here somewhere!" He grinned, and I smiled in relief. "Thanks mate," I said, and hugged him. Cause hugs are awesome, hugs are life, hugs are necessary. I like hugs.

I let go after a moment and stepped into his apartment, closing the door behind me. My eyes scanned the room, taking in the junk. Everywhere. "...nice place." I commented eventually. Naruto huffed. "Hey, I'm letting you stay here, you can't say anything."

I shrugged. "True." I agreed. "Stay right there!" He told me, and dashed off into another room, and I examined the one I was in. It was pretty bare for someone's home. Although most of the ground and tables were covered in empty ramen cups. Go figure, Naruto has a fetish for ramen.

I wandered off in the direction Naruto left in, and found myself in what was presumably his room. It was _slightly _neater than the room I just left: there was a poster with a funny looking symbol on it (weren't they on the bandana things people wore around here?) and on the bed-side table there was a picture of Duckbu- erm, Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto and Silver. They looked pretty happy in the picture - except for Duckbutt and Naruto who were glaring at each other.

Naruto finished setting up the futon beside me, blanket and all, and I grinned at him. "Thanks!" I said, and proceeded to belly-flop on this fluffy magical thing. "Eh, no problem," Naruto responded sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hmm...what time is it?" I asked. Naruto glanced at the clock he had. "Half ten," he told me. I yawned. "Well, I normally go to bed around 11, sometimes 4, but today has been one of the weirdest and I'm surprised I'm still conscious." I told him.

After Naruto got dressed (I hid my head in my blanket, I was not a perv!) and turned the lights out, we sat in silence for a moment, before he asked, "Flynn-chan, where do you come from?" I blinked at the random question.

"Ah, a place full of wonder, magic, and non-stop rain," I drawled. "It's so boring there...nothing interesting _ever _happens..honestly..." My eyelids were beginning to droop. "Ehh...then finally...the most interesting thing...happened there...was..mmm..." I drew off into a slur, and gave into sleep. I didn't have to really tell my new friend that I may or may not have been on drugs and woke up on the wrong side of the world right?

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>Ok, generally, my dreams are pretty weird. Usually. But mostly smooth, and random, and...well, not this.<p>

I was surrounded by stars. Every. Fucking. Where. These things were just twinkling and sparkling as if they were taunting me. There didn't seem to be a path under my feet, either, but when I took a step there was a ripple in the air, like I was walking on water.

Strange, this is the first time I dreamed about being Jesus.

Also, nothing seemed to be consistent. Instead of walking on a level surface, I would be walking up suddenly, but it wasn't like walking up a hill, more like being pulled upwards by something you couldn't feel. And I would go down suddenly, but I couldn't _feel_ it, it felt like I was walking normally, and my surroundings just shifted up and down.

Where was I? I wasn't exactly unconscious, and I was very aware of my movements. 'Hello?' I tried to call out, but my mouth wouldn't move. And yet, the faintest echo could be heard. Strange.

Out of nowhere, chilling laughter rang out. It felt like it filled this entire void, and shook my to my core. 'Who's there?' I attempted screaming, but to no avail. The laughter just grew louder. In the distance, I could see something white. Something out of place with this dimension.

I kept walking at the same pace, but it seemed to rush up to me terrifyingly fast. I froze where I stood, and squeezed my eyes shut as it would obviously crash into me. _Kind of like with the truck..._ I thought randomly.

When I didn't feel any pain one would feel when something crashed into you, I hesitantly opened my eyes. My mouth fell at the sight before me. The white thing I saw was a throne. Made out of pure white skulls, with chains wrapping around the structure. On top of it sat a terrifying...humanoid...giant..thing.

He was jet black with white highlights, like a skeleton. He had bone white hair which framed blood-red eyes which seemed to glow. He had blood which trickled down the chains, and a three-bladed scythe was resting on the side. His head was lying on one fist while the other was draped over the arm of the chair casually. He was smirking widely, sharp teeth glinting.

'Who...are you -eh?' I asked, but as my earlier attempts proved no sound came out, yet he seemed to smirk wider at my question.

"Foolish heathen!" His voice boomed, dark and malicious. "You may call me Kami-sama, or as my devoted followers call me...Jashin."

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry I took so long to upload...Please forgive me D: But here you go! Third chapter! And be honest, who knew that Jashin was coming up?**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! Cookies for everyone! *rains cookies***

**So, leave a comment on why you liked/hated it down below, I appreciate it a lot! :3**

**Ah...it is Monday tomorrow...kill me =.= **

***Yes, that is how you pronounce Ireland. Some people pronounce it "I-are-lind" and it pisses me off for no reason...idk you can't judge me!...**

**** That shall be explained in good time!**

**Also, Mina'sMadness, does that answer your question? xD**

**R/R people! It gives me inspiration and rainbows and stuff! :3**


	4. Jashinism isn't everyone's cup of tea

**A/N: Dammit! Seeing as I forgot last three chapters, cause I'm smart like that shut up, here's the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: The idiot you see here doesn't own Naruto, only Flynn. And that dream-verse.**

**Oi! I made you! I am your creator! BOW DOWN FOOLISH MORTAL.**

**Edit: Yep, changed the rating slightly - this isn't gonna be all humour ya know! And I added Jashin in the characters, cause he is a pretty big part of this story. **

**I do forget these things a lot, sue me! -.-"**

**Warning: Slight gore. Maybe. Mentions of blood. Torture - as in, getting up with the sun. **

**I'm so cruel.**

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><p><em>"Foolish heathen!" His voice boomed, dark and malicious. "You may call me kami-sama, or as my devoted followers call me...Jashin."<em>

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>I had to crane my neck to look up at Jashin. The fella was fucking <em>huge. <em>Around five times my height, I swear. Never mind that this was (supposed to be) a dream, I was terrified shitless. He just had an aura of...death around him.

"Are..you a God -eh?" I asked silently, noting how my lips didn't work no matter how much I willed them to. He seemed to be able to hear me somehow...or my thoughts. Is he a mind reader?! Quick don't think dirty thoughts!

...damn it.

Jashin just smirked even wider at me. "I am the God of Pain and Suffering, heathen," he said in that deep voice. I squinted up at him. "Do I call you Jashin or Kami-sama then? 'Cause the way you said that sounds like there's more gods...please tell me there aren't more gods."

The smirk dropped suddenly and the fist that propped up his head dropped and clenched the end of the arm of the bone-throne, and Jashin leaned forward until his eyes were in front of me, blazing in anger. I gulped and flinched at the suffocating Killer intent that flowed forth suddenly.

"It's Jashin-_sama," _He hissed, and I nodded hastily. "R-Right, yeah, Jashin-sama, sorry," I squeaked. Then he leaned back and smirked as if nothing happened. Dammit.

I let out a sigh of relief as the pressure in the air dropped. "So, um, Jashin-sama, why am I here?" I asked. I really hoped I didn't drink something funny. My brows furrowed as a thought came to me. "In fact...why am I in this world? Universe? I - wasn't I killed by a truck?" I added (I pushed that tiny part of me that whispered _you're dead, you should be panicking right now _away) uncertainly.

Jashin's booming laughter rang out again as he threw his head back and laughed - hopefully not at my expense. When he got over that, he grinned wickedly at me. "Well," he began nonchalantly, "I thought that life here was a bit too boring for me. And so I looked over at another world, and I see someone with an equally boring life! (_Yeah, a crazy god and a 13 year old can relate..sure)_ So I think to myself, 'What would happen if I add some weakling from a different world to this one?' So with divine intervention, I killed you!" He said happily. Nice to know my death made the God happy, so nice.

"And just as your spirit lost it's connection to it's world, and before it gained it's connection to the afterlife, I interfered and sent you here!" I tried to digest this information. So, I died...because Jashin-sama was bored? "I died because you were bored?" I echoed my thoughts blankly. He seemed to ponder it for a moment before nodding. "Pretty much."

My head hung. "Wow." I sighed, and another thought came to me - seemed to get a lot of them lately. "Wait, if you took my _spirit _and put it here, why do I have a body -eh?" I asked.

"Hmm? Oh, that was child's play. I just created a carbon copy of your old body and placed your spirit in it - even if it was pretty messed up after that crash. You're lucky that you're already dead." He replied, with a raised eye-brow.

"Wait - what? My body...this body has been hit by a truck and is still working? Wh- but how-?!" I cried, my arms flapping around to indicate my stress, although I probably resembled a retarded chicken.

The raised brow raised higher. "I'm a God." He deadpanned. Comprehension dawned on me. I suppose sticking a soul in a body that should have stopped functioning and getting it to work was nothing to him...

"Oh...wait. I'm dead -eh?!" I yelped, the last part of that statement registering. Jashin-sama just smirked at me. Probably enjoyed watching me panic.

My mind shut down for a bit.

_How does that even work oh my god I'm dead in a body that should have stopped working ages ago and now I am conversing to a God in my dreams who just told me he killed me and threw me into another universe because he was bored I am so confused oh my God - Jashin - help! _

And bounced back in full panic mode. I would have probably been hyperventilating if I could move my lips. "Oh, and did I mention that most of your vital organs are crushed?" He added cheerfully - or as cheerfully as he could get while still maintaining the deadly aura.

"What."

"Yep! Your heart was torn in half, your left lung has ripped, your stomach was reduced to mush, your bladder exploded, I think, your intestines are scrambled..."

"O-Ok! I get the message Jashin-sama -eh!" I interrupted. It was rather unnerving to hear that your insides are all messed up. "So...if my stomach is in pieces and my bladder is...exploded...does that mean I don't have to eat or go to the toilet anymore?" I asked curiously. It would explain the T&I thing.

Jashin-sama nodded. "But the only downside is that you can't eat food - unless, of course, you want it to rot it your body and attract flies," he added that little part, and I twitched. "Ok, no eating, no going toilet...um, anything else?" I asked, still dizzy after taking in the fact that _I was dead and in a dead body with dead organs_ and to my surprise (and dread) Jashin nodded.

"I've also had to supress your memories. Wouldn't want you to give away that you know too much, right?" He grinned-slash-smirked. I vaguely wondered how he could pull that off. "Supressed memories?" I echoed after him, lost.

"Aa. But now, time to have a little pain!" Jashin snapped his fingers, and it felt as if someone let a fire in my head. I fell to my knees, clutching my head and squeezing my eyes shut as memories began springing up painfully.

Sitting down after a long day at school to watch one of my favourite animes, Naruto.

Placing my Akatsuki plushies all over my bedroom.

Watching as Naruto therapy-jutsu'd Gaara.

Crying as the Akatsuki members died.

Flashes of Shippuden and Sai, Naruto, Sakura, Yamato, Tsunade, Lee, Kiba and others.

The Kage Summit being interrupted by a certain Uchiha.

Oh. _Oh. _Oh my - I looked up at Jashin who was smirking more widely than before at me, and realised that I was talking to _the _Jashin-sama. "You...well. Shit." I said rather meekly. Jashin just laughed at me.

"So...currently, I'm in the Naruverse...which shouldn't frikken' exist but does -eh?" I said incredulously. "And that wish I made after I died...came true? Well _fuck!" _I swore.

And another realisation came to me - I was getting a lot of those wasn't I? "Well, doesn't this mean I'm a Jashinist now? Because I know Jashin-sama exists and stuff?" I wondered idly. "Afraid so, heathen. Welcome to the one true religion!" Jashin snickered with an evil undertone.

"There's...no backing out of this, is there?" I sighed.

"Nope."

"...well damn."

Movement caught my attention. Looking up, I watched dumbly as Jashin grabbed the gleaming scythe that was beside him. It had three wicked looking blades with kanji running along the edges, shortening from top to bottom...and they were heading towards me fast!

Before I could do anything there was a _squelch! _as the smallest of the blades speared my body, tearing through my entire torso. My mouth popped open in surprise when I didn't die immediately - even if it _was _a dream.

I registered a burning sensation flowing through me, followed by what felt like ice running in my veins and painful jolts, and as I stared at my chest black kanji ran from the blades and around my body, glowing white before fading away into my skin. Just as suddenly as the pain came it stopped, replaced with numbness.

Jashin-sama gave me a shit-eating grin and yanked the scythe back out of me, sending me skidding across the ground on my side as I was carried by its momentum. I huffed and sat up, noting the huge ass gaping hole in my chest.

"Now that you're a Jashinist, you are immortal," he informed me. I presumed that the pain I just felt was my conversion, probably.

"What I just did there was your initiation to Jashinism. Meaning that if you commit sacrilege you will be vaporized instantly, immortal or no."

...I knew he was a fucking mind reader.

"Well, seeing as how you are pretty much immortal already the rules change a bit. As most of your nervous system has been shot to hell, you can't really register high levels of pain, although there are parts in your body that will react normally, as if you were alive. So while this immortality doesn't come with immunity to pain, you won't feel most of it.

"But as you are only a recent member of Jashinism, the immortality is watered down. You cannot die through starvation, being stabbed through the heart or other vital organs or by bleeding to death, but you can die from dehydration, old age - which is past two hundred years - and decapitation.

"To get fully fledged immortality, you must sacrifice more heathens. About a thousand. I trust you know how to sacrifice them, yes?" He said, and I nodded. "Yeah, I get the...sacrifice's blood..." Damn did that sound weird and wrong to say. "...and ingest it, then draw your symbol in my blood 'n stab myself in the heart. Boom. They're dead." I answered.

But the way Jashin smirked made me think that there was a catch. "Am I missing something?" I wondered. "Yes, actually. You need to learn the Curse jutsu to sacrifice the heathens. And only one other Jashinist knows it." I gulped. "Um, care to tell me who?" I asked meekly. "Now where would be the fun in that?" He grinned. Damn. I knew who it was but I was in denial. No way was I seeking _him _out, the crazy bastard...

"You'll be needing this," Jashin interrupted my thoughts, and a chain necklace with the symbol of Jashin appeared on the ground in front of me with another click of his fingers. I took it, examining the gleaming metal, before attaching the clasp at the back of my neck, the rosary now hanging from me.

"Um, Jashin-sama? Will...I still have the necklace when I wake up?" I asked. And there it was, Jashin's Evil Smirk in full force. "Everything inflicted on you here will stay with you in your waking hours, yes," he replied, snickering.

And then I realised I went from being an atheist to a Jashinist in a single dream.

"Night night~" Jashin cackled, "I'll be seeing you again!" The ground beneath my feet suddenly grew cracks and shattered, sending me cascading down into nothingness as his laughter rang in my ears.

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>I jerked to consciousness as the dim dawn burned my retinas. Shielding them from the pale light, I realised that I was panting hard and beads of sweats were gathering on my forehead.<p>

_A nightmare...?_

Looking over, I saw Naruto was still asleep. I had to 'aww!' at him because he was snuggling his pillow, snoring softly. _Oh my god I am in THE Uzumaki Naruto's house! I've just had a sleepover with THE Uzumaki Naruto oh my Jashin! Suck it fangirls! _I crowed mentally.

My hand wandering to my neck, I found that the necklace Jashin-sama gave me was still there. "So it was real..." I muttered.

I let out a groan at the agony in my joints. Working with Gai...urgh, the youthfulness _kills_! I let out a shudder at the memory of green before massaging my cramped thighs. _Owowowow!_

And I froze as I realised something. Hesitantly peeking down the top of my robe I saw that the hole in my chest was still there! I groaned when I realised I'd have to get it bandaged and stitched up. I was just glad it wasn't spraying blood everywhere, although a bit of blood was staining my already dirty clothes.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eye. I had two options: 1. Go back to sleep (really tempting seeing as how it was only 7 am) and let Naruto see the huge hole in my chest and have to explain, or 2. Leave the warm, comfy bed and leave a note explaining where I went to avoid any awkward scenes.

I sighed. I needed coffee for this...

I threw the covers off me, which landed in a muffled _thump _to my right, and stood up, stretching. I looked down at my white robe with disdain, noting how I was wearing it for over a day. _I need a shower,_ I decided. _But I don't have any clothes to change into..._ I bit my lip. Fuck it, I'll just take some of Naruto's and buy him some more later. I grabbed a shirt and a pair of three-quarter lengths before I left the room, closing the door behind me quietly.

I took me a few minutes to find the shower, and I hopped in the hot water, scrubbing off the dirt from the last few days. I dried myself off and patted my hair down with a towel, leaving it damp. I pulled on black shorts which would have fallen down if not for the belt, and a bright orange t-shirt which fell down mid-thigh. _I mean, I know I'm kind of small but this is ridiculous! _I thought dejectedly.

I decided to throw the robe in the bin, it was too filthy (and slightly blood-soaked) to wear again. Moving through the empty ramen cups I found a pencil and a piece of paper and began writing.

'_Hey Naruto!_

_Sorry for leaving before you woke up, but I couldn't go back to sleep and you looked too peaceful (you were hugging your pillow and mumbling Sakura's name...you pervert) so I decided to leave you be._

_And sorry for taking your clothes! I couldn't wear that white dress thing, it was way too dirty. I promise to buy you some more shit when I get money ok?_

_Thanks for letting us sleep here!_

_Flynn.'_

I scanned the note, and deemed it acceptable before leaving it on the table for Naruto to find. I left the apartment, and scowled at the sun which was barely over the horizon. _It's too early..._

I shoved my hands in my pockets, absently wandering through Konoha's streets, shivering as the warm breezed rustled my damp hair. What did I need? Clothes, money, that big-ass wound that should have killed me in my chest stitched up...I sighed. I suppose the wound would have to be dealt with first.

I hoped the nurses and doctors didn't notice I was that one body in the morgue..."Oh!" I exclaimed suddenly, earning funny looks from the shopkeepers that were opening up. _That _would explain why I woke up surrounded by dead bodies! The doctors thought I was one...which I actually was. I forgot about that.

_Hmm...where _is _the hospital...? Ah, sure, if I keep wandering I'll come across it quickly...right? Right! _

About forty minutes later I arrived at my destination in a bad mood. "Fucking finally..." I growled under my breath.

As soon as I entered the building the smell of antiseptic was horrible and stung my nose. "Urgh.." I groaned, covering my nose and continuing forward bravely. I walked up to reception and tapped on the desk to get the nurse's attention.

"Yo, can I get a check up?" I asked. Her eyebrow was raised at me, but she nodded anyway and called up someone to come and give me the check up. _I hope it's free..._ I sighed mentally. If it wasn't...I was a fast enough runner, I think.

Soon, a plump cheerful-looking nurse came into view. "Are you here for a check-up dearie?" She asked, and I nodded. "It's, um, free right?" I asked, and she smiled at me. "Of course! Now right this way..."

She began leading me through the twisting corridors, passing by doors 33...34...35...36...

77...78...79...

134...135..136...

"Here we are!" She exclaimed, successfully jolting me out of my daydream of coffee. She led me into a pristine white room with a dentist-like chair in the middle of the room.

"So, let's start now," she said brightly. She began by taking my temperature, shocked when it read 15C - room temperature. Her face paled dramatically, and she glanced up at my grin before continuing with the check up.

She began tapping on my knee with a small hammer - which I couldn't feel, thank Jashin - and frowned as she wrote down the results. Then she picked up a stethoscope.

"Lift your shirt up dear - nothing to worry about, we're both women here," she said cheerfully - well, a bit less cheerful than before. Shrugging, I lifted the top off and the nurse let out a tiny scream at the sight of the hole in my chest. Her mouth dropped open.

"H-H-H-How?" She stammered, and I shrugged. "Hey, the Hokage knows about this..._problem_, but can you patch me up?" I said dismissively. Well, I wasn't _sure_ if the Hokage knew, but what she didn't know didn't hurt her, right?

Mutely, she nodded and got a sterilized needle and string. She began sowing me together, and it felt weird since I couldn't feel it. It was just _numb_...Weird, but Jashin-sama warned me about not being able to properly feel things.

When she had finished my front and back and washed off the blood, I pulled my shirt back down and waved at her as I walked away. "Thank you~" I sang on my way out. Now to run before they notice I was a dead body in a morgue-!

Thankfully, I managed to get out before, I don't know, I was chased by medics or something. Konoha medics were crazy, from what I could recall from the anime. I observed my surroundings in a different light. There was that bookstore Naruto Sexy Jutsu'd in...and the hot springs where Jiraiya and Naruto met...and Ichiraku Ramen! Amazing...

I stopped mid-path, staring into the cloudless blue sky. I was in _the _Konoha, I knew _the_ Uzumaki Naruto, son of the Yondaime, and the Kyuubi container, and the Copy-nin and famed interrogator Ibiki (formerly dubbed Scar-y). Lots of shit happened here, the Pein invasion, the Chuunin Exams, the Hokage's death, and I had the knowledge to stop it.

With this whole immortal jazz going on, I could help save a lot of lives. I could stop some pain people would have to deal with, I could help make this world a better place. But where would I start? Who would I save first? I suppose I had to find out when I was first, and how much time until, say, the Wave mission. That's where shit started to go down.

Although, seeing as I'm not a kunoichi it's going to be hard to get approval from the Hokage to go on missions, even if I could go with Gai's team. What with them being my minders, _babysitters_, it would be very troublesome to get out of the village as I'd be under constant supervision - not surprising. I was a seemingly normal teenager who just popped out of nowhere, with a dead body, no chakra, nothing. Of course I would be under scrutiny.

But a more important problem - what would I need to do to be seen as strong enough to go on missions as an unoffical ninja? Hell, could they even do that? I shook my head. Might as well not dwell on that...but I definitely needed to get stronger. Stronger to protect and save.

I sighed. Damn it, three days before all this happened, all this supernatural shite, I was at home. Home. A place I knew, with my family, with technology, without the weight of people's lives resting on my back. And it was all ripped away from me - because Jashin-sama was bored!

I suppose he could have done worse things, maybe reincarnated me into Naruto's body or something, or tortured me, or...or something. But he gave me immortality - something of a nightmare, to be honest, who would _want _to watch everything they know and love crumble and wither and die?

And in this world of blood-shed and hate, where little ol' me with not a scrap of fighting skills was thrown into, immortality would be saving my ass a lot. God knows I'd be killed straight away was I - was I not dead.

I gulped. It was still hard to swallow. This entire world was created by a man, Kishimoto, it was black and white and animated and _fake_. Or supposed to be. But here were living human beings, peacefully continuing on with life without the horrible knowledge that war was coming so soon.

And then there was me. Who was I? A girl with a sheltered life, with no means to protect herself, who hated pain, fighting, putting effort into things... I just wanted to be an artist! I had no chakra, no jutsu, no skills..and here, surrounded by ninja, that would get me killed. Again. And Jashin knows I don't want that to happen again - once was enough thanks!

So in the end, what was there to be done? Well, this was before Shippuden, so I had time, at least. Time to get stronger, to plan out how exactly I was going to go through with this. I mean, I didn't exactly have a choice did I? I couldn't just sit back and watch events unfold around me while I knew that I could stop them, make this world just a tiny bit better.

...to start off, I needed a cup of coffee. _Badly._

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

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><p>Grinning, I stared down at my (ruined) hoodie and my over-the-shoulder bag. My hoodie was white, and on the back there was a silver design of interlocking gears. In other words, <em>badass. <em>My bag...can you believe it?

Had my _homework._

Throughout dying and being sent to another universe, my fucking homework follows me! The only good thing about having my English, Irish and History books were that I could still learn my language, and look at the history of my country...and that's it. I suppose I kept my English book for the sake of being able to actually _read _something.

_Although, I will have to read in private, _I mused. _After all, I'm dyslexic now..._ And the other thing in my bag was a six-pack of coke! Thank god for my addiction to the stuff which led to me bringing them, right? A world without coke...is a horrible world indeed.

I put on my hoodie, brushing it down adoringly and ignoring the blood stains and tears in it. It felt good to have something from my world...

My world...

Damn it, I was going to miss Mom, Dad, my dogs...my laptop... I felt like crying. _I'll never go on the internet again! _I lamented. _I'll never see the end of One Piece... Noo! Oda-sama, why?! I feel depressed now..._

I sighed, and slung the bag over my shoulder, settling it at my hip as I continued through the village with my hands stuffed in my pockets, and thought about my current situation.

**~ One hour ago~**

_Walking through the village, I continued to stare around me in awe as I took in Konoha. It was so peaceful at the moment, albeit it being too early in the morning for anyone to be conscious. _

_A breeze blew through the village, and caused goosebumps to run up my arms. I shivered and drew them closer to my body, shoving my hands in the over-sized pockets. _

_'Hey, I wonder where my clothes went?' I wondered suddenly. 'I've been here for two days and only now I notice my clothes have been taken? Damn it. I miss my hoodie! It was so awesome...and my bag! My bag hand my cokes in it...daaammnn it! I need my lovely, fitting clothes back!' _

_I frowned lightly as I planned out how to rescue my clothes. 'So, what do I know about the hospital? It stinks, the medics are crazy-good...Where would they keep my clothes then? They changed me into...I don't know, a formal death robe or something, which I've destroyed completely, which means they've taken my hoodie, pants, shoes, bag... But where dammit?!'_

_I passed by a... I looked up at the sign, which was covered in kanji. I glanced inside. There were booths, tables, chairs... a café then? I sniffed at the air, and the sweet scent sent my stomach growling like a beast._

_I sighed. It looked so nice too...but I had no money. Just as I was about to continue on my aimless walk through the Leaf, a commotion caught my attention. Looking back inside, I spotted a cowering shinobi. I didn't recognize him so he was probably a background character, although the glowering, killer-intent-imitting kunoichi behind him, who just toppled over her chair, with dango all over her fish net shirt was..._

_I winced. Oooh, that poor soul. Out of all the things to do, you shouldn't spill Anko's dango. From what the anime showed, she was as much as a dango addict as Naruto was a ramaniac. _

_"You spilt my dango," Anko hissed, causing the shinobi to flinch. "You. Spilt. My. Dango." Suddenly, she was standing beside the soon-to-be-dead shinobi, holding a kunai to his neck. _

_"Give me one reason."_

_'Oh shit she's crazy...time for the awesome Flynn to make her appearance!'_

_I dashed off inside, well aware that this was potential suicide. 'Good thing I'm immortal huh?'_

_"Heeey- hi!" I chirped, skidding to a stop beside the purple-haired kunoichi. She glanced over me before snarling, "And who are you, gaki?" I grinned and put my hands on my hips, posing._

_"The amazing, epically epic Ryder Flynn!" I greeted. Her response was to flick the kunai towards me, forcing me to duck hastily to avoid being stabbed in the eye. "Well, aren't you friendly," I muttered under my breath, dusting myself off and smiling again, plan forming in mind. I was gonna be a hero and save the ninja's life!_

_"So! I heard you like dango. And I heard you lost your dango." I said. Anko cocked an eyebrow, prompting me to say, "And if you help me out with a small favour - and leave this poor guy alone - I'll get you more dango!" I offered._

_Bam! Get her to help me find my clothes, and save this poor...victim...ninja...dude. Can you say hitting two birds with one stone? Anko eyed me for a moment, staring at my baggy top, my messy-as-hell hair, my smile..._

_She smirked. "You owe me, gaki. You better buy me a shit ton of dango," she said, and the shinobi she was threatening ran for the wind out of the café. "Hell yes!" I cheered. I was tempted to do a booty-wriggle-victory dance, but resisted. _

_"So what d'you need help with?" She asked when we were out of the café. I thought over what to tell her. "...long story short, the hospital thought I was dead and stole my clothes, and I want them back 'cause I'm fucking freezing, but I don't know where they are so we gon' be all stealthy and stuff like ninja and steal them back." I nodded, satisfied with my answer._

_Anko grinned cockily at me. "You're not half-bad gaki, but I'm in this for the dango...and for the shits n' giggles." She informed me, and I nodded. I didn't really expect anything less. "I'm Mitarashi Anko, the best kunoichi there is, remember that gaki!" She added._

_"Okay, let's go steal some clothes!" I declared, pointing in a random direction and marching off._

_"The hospital's the other way idiot."_

_"I knew that."_

* * *

><p><em>Peering left, I saw an empty hallway. Peering right, I saw the exact same. "All clear," I whispered, and rolled stealthily towards the next corner. I peeked over the corner, and ducked back quickly when I saw a medic's coat. Holding my breath, I waited until she was gone until I head a <em>thump.

_I poked my head out from the corner, dead-panning when I saw the medic lying on the floor unconscious with a needle sticking out of his neck. I looked up from the unconscious medic and saw a grinning Anko._

_"Isn't that going a bit far?" I questioned, and she shrugged. "I'm helping you out here brat, so be grateful."_

_I sighed. "True." I then proceeded to roll down the corridor, stopping after seven rolls dizzily. "O-Ok, we got a lead on where my clothes are?" I asked after a moment. Anko nodded. "Down in room...17-something." She informed me._

_I twitched. "That's like, two corridors back!" I grumbled. Anko just smiled that infuriating smile._

_"Ok, Transformers, roll out!" I said happily, and rolled back down where I came from, with Anko rolling right behind me._

_Why were we rolling you ask? Well, Anko wanted this to be fun since I couldn't run on walls and such (she found out when I simply stared at her as she climbed up a three story building) and told me that if I didn't roll everywhere, I was going to get "a kunai up where the sun don't shine". I decided to listen._

_We stopped when we reached the doors marked from 170 to 180. "Ok gaki, I'll check every second room," Anko whisper-yelled - as this was a stealth mission, of course - and began slamming every door to the side and dashing in._

_...yep, stealth. _

_I opened the door marked 171 and switched on the lights. There was a few shelves of medicinal herbs, and a couple of beds, but other than that it was empty, so I moved onto room 173 while Anko was at room 176. _

_I blinked as the lights flickered on. There was a low table, possibly for surgery. It was sparkling clean, and there were surgery tools like scalpels (cue memory of Ibiki) and what not. _

_And on the table, was my folded hoodie, bag and jeans! Grinning like a maniac, I rushed over to inspect my clothes. Most of the big tears in my hoodie were sown up, although there was still faint blood stains and tears. My jeans were shredded up and caked in blood and dirt, so I ignored those. My Vans were slightly tattered, but other than that the checkered shoes were fine. _

_"My babies~" I wailed, and snuggled my hoodie and bag. How I had missed my darling Vans! I quickly put them on my bare feet, which were numb due to dead nerves, and tied my hoodie around my waist as I rummaged through my bag and found its contents still there._

_"Anko!" I called. "Mission complete!" Anko skidded into the room, pouting. "Already? And I almost had ten medics down..." Ignoring that last part, I said, "Now we have to retreat without the enemy finding out we've entered their fortress!"_

_Anko was silent for a moment (probably doubting my maturity) before smiling right along with me. "Right! Whoever gets out of here first wins! OnetwothreeGO!" And she ran off with superior ninja skills, leaving me to sprint as fast as I could behind her...which wasn't very fast._

_After a few minutes of ignoring the shouts of people as I shoved them aside roughly I emerged out of the hospital, panting like hell. I hunched over, hands on knees, and took huge breaths of air._

_"D-D-Damn...hah..ninja being all...hahh...speedy n' stuff.." I wheezed. Anko grinned down at me. "I win! You have to buy me my dango now gaki! Ahaha!" She cheered. Catching my breath, I straightened, and sighed. "Ok, let's go get that dango now.." I muttered and trudged off after Anko who was doing a victory dance wiggle._

_We reached the café Anko was in before, with the purple haired kunoichi rushing off to order some dango while I slouched off to a booth. Anko came back, and after a few minutes off awkward silence, the waitress came with a plate of dango, which Anko grinned a, "Itadakimasu!" before devouring it quickly. The waitress came back with another plate, and another, and another..._

_I watched in awe as the tower of plates climbed higher and higher, Anko inhaling all the dango in record speeds. "Damn..." I whispered. After even more plates, Anko patted her belly and sighed, "I'm full!" I let out a breath of relief._

_"Finally!" I grumbled just as the waitress came over with our bill. I looked at it, at the squiggles of kanji that were running up and down the page and frowned. "Uh-huh...uh-huh...yep...alright...ye- I can't read this," I said finally and tossed the bill to Anko. _

_She raised an eye-brow at me. "I'm dyslexic," I explained. "Ah, right," she said, and scanned over the contents before throwing the bill back down. "You gotta pay 15,000 ryou gaki," she cackled. _

_I nodded, and smiled serenely at her. "Hey, Anko?" Anko stopped picking her teeth with a dango stick and grunted to show she was listening. "Can I tell you a secret?" I continued in a hushed voice._

_Suddenly Anko was up in my face, grinning. "Oh? The gaki has some dirt on someone?" she said, in a tone that suggested we were talking about robbing a bank. I nodded. "Yeah, it's really, reaallly important!" I said, eyes wide._

_"I won't tell!" Anko snickered. "...promise?" I whispered in a lower voice, and when she nodded, I looked around before leaning in even closer and whispering in her ear, "I'm broke."_

_Anko sat back in her seat and smiled. No grins, smirks or cackles, just a gentle half-smile. _

_"Hey gaki?" _

_"Hm?"_

_"Did I ever tell you about this great spot I found?"_

_"No, what of it?"_

_"Yes, well, it's the perfect place to hide bodies. Let me show you!" _

_And that's how I found myself legging it out of the café away from a murderous ninja with a waitress screaming at us to pay._

**~Present time~**

I had to sprint around the village like crazy to lose her, and she's _still_ after my blood. Making sure everything was comfortable, and fucking hell was it, I set off at a slow walk. Preserving my energy for running was a very good idea at the present time.

I laced my fingers behind my head and looked around at the market place I had wound up in. More people were up and about now and there were stalls with fruit, vegetables, cheese, clothes, weapons, books, you name it, set up everywhere. In my old town, we never had market days like this, so it was thrilling to walk through the vendors, listening to haggling and admiring all the merchandise.

"_GAKI!"_ And there was my cue to hide! Quickly I ducked behind a stall just as Anko came blazing down the street, kunai in hand and a murderous expression on her face. Strangely enough, it suited her.

She passed, and I stepped out from the stall, nodding my thanks at the bewildered merchant and continuing on my merry way. Sighing, I squinted up at the sun. Judging by the exact angle it was at in proportion to the horizon and that birdy over there, it was still too early to be up.

I'm sure _Naruto _wasn't up yet... Wait - how long had I been out here? I left at seven, and so maybe...about two hours? Nine then...hmm...would there be a team meeting around now - or in a few hours time, with Silver's tendency to be a bit tardy - ?

Oh, but I was technically on Gai's team wasn't I? Did he mention something about a team meeting...? I thought back to the terrifying time of green, youth and exercise. Well, if they did I probably left before he said it. They would probably meet at the same place as yesterday right?

With that in mind, I set off in the semi-familiar route that Old Man Hiruzen took me in the other day, and after a while of wondering I found my destination.

"Thank Jashin it didn't take as long as when I tried to find the hospital," I yawned, stretching. I wasn't built for mornings, ok? And unless I had four cups of coffee or more it was hard to think straight, let alone run from an insane kunoichi, so cut me some slack.

I found a comfortable-enough looking spot under the shade of a tree, and I gladly lay down on the soft grass and closed my eyes. I inhaled the sweet scent of nature, and the sound of the breeze through the leaves and the distant murmur of the village was enough to get me asleep in less than thirty seconds.

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><p><strong>AN: So remember when I said I wouldn't take forever to upload?**

**...yeah me neither. **

**Sorry o.o"**

**And now we have immortal!Flynn on our hands :D Shit's gonna go down...**

***strikes pose* Don't worry! I actually have a plot for this! c;**

**And yes, Jashin was basically like, "Fuck it, Imma fuck shit up" and messed up the Naru plot, by sending a Narutard in! :D And no, he did not answer her "wish" when she died. He just did it for the lulz.**

**You bad bad person you.**

**It was really fun to write him for whatever reason xD And that bit of seriousness in there, no clue where that came from.**

**Oh Anko, you dango addict... XD **

**I've had "Potato potato ching chong tomato" stuck in my head for ages. FFS WHYYY?**

**Thanks to all ye lovely people out there who reviewed! **  
><strong>Which means: <strong>

**1000 Faces of Pain, Inazuma Kaiten, Meatbun Attack, animewatcher4685, Demon skitty, Mina'sMadness, WindWhistle21, RedHotPyroDemon, RavenSentByLucifer (bitch get yo ass on FB), Warflower and graverobber-exploits!**

**That's everyone that's reviewed so far! :D Thankies so much! *begins shooting cookies from the Cookie-Launcher-o-matic***

**Ahahaha, the weirdest thing happened just now! I was just casually swinging my foot around, and suddenly there's this sharp pain, and I reach down and pull out a shard of glass from my heel - I don't even **_**know**_** how it got there - and my foot was pumping blood! I got it bandaged up now, but the last time I bleed that much was when I was crawling around and a piece from Monopoly speared my hand. Oh, good times, good times.**

**And I will try my best not to take too long to upload again, but there's a certain thing called real life who despises my guts - literally, they haven't stopped hurting since this morning - and I am a slow-ass writer. **

**So sorry in advance yoi ^^"**

**Question: Who here watches One Piece? :D If you do, who's your favourite out of the Monster trio?**

**Slán go fóill, I'm outta here bitchatchos! *disappears in poof of rainbow smoke***


	5. Flynn: A life of the socially inept

**Ok, I'm so so sorry I took so long...I wasn't procrastinating though, and I definitely didn't tell myself "I'll do it tomorrow"...repeatedly...shhh**

**Disclaimer: Here, here, come closer...I don't own Naruto! Shocking right? The owner is Kishimoto! Who would have guessed.**

**Also, just to say- Naruto meets Gai earlier than in canon, given that he knows of him already rather than meeting him in the Chuunin Exams, because in this story the time between each mission is not going to be canon. So if you notice that the length of each arc is longer/shorter, it's supposed to be, so please don't point it out to me!**

**Should I point out here that this is not a SI? It is an OC insert, but the only thing we have in common is the fact that we're both Irish. It just varies between POV's a lot, is that confusing for anyone?**

**Don't...do not...at all...expect frequent/fast updates...you will be severely disappointed as shown by the more-than-entire year between this chapter n the last. Um, haha...? **

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><p><em>I found a comfortable-enough looking spot under the shade of a tree, and I gladly lay down on the soft grass and closed my eyes. I inhaled the sweet scent of nature, and the sound of the breeze through the leaves and the distant murmur of the village was enough to get me asleep in less than thirty seconds.<em>

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><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>"Gai-sensei!"<p>

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

An involuntary shiver passed through me as I opened my eyes to find the Green Beasts hugging and crying together...in front of a sunset. I blinked woozily and thoughts such as what year is it and that top with them eyebrows? crossed my mind before I dragged myself onto my butt.

I tried to say hello but all that came out was a sound like a retarded seal. I coughed and cleared my throat, before croaking out a, "Hey."

Neji and Tenten, who had turned to find me looking like absolute shit, simultaneously raised an eyebrow at me. Blushing, I ran my hands through my messy hair and attempted to flatten it down to no avail.

"Um...hi Flynn," Tenten said with a small smile. Neji just frowned and turned away from me. Well, excuuuse me princess, I thought. Gai and Lee separated and flashed me identical grins, sparkle and all, but my attention was focused on Lee.

Oh...

"...while we're still in our Springtime of Youth!...start off...push ups...flames of youth will burn..."

My...

"...exercise...youth...laps around the training grounds!...Neji..."

GOD HE'S SO ADORABLE.

Gai, who had been giving us a speech about youth passionately, was interrupted by me running towards Lee and tackling him to the ground.

Lee wasn't expecting a glomp so he fell backwards on his butt with me wrapped around him like a leech. Or koala. I like koalas. Koalas don't suck your blood. Koalas don't sparkle.

"Flynn-chan?" I ignored Gai and concentrated on the adorableness of Lee. How could you not love him?! With his passion for training and friends, and his smile, and... I squealed.

He was the Usopp of the Naruverse! Lee wasn't appreciated enough. "A-Ano, Flynn-chan? Could you get off me please?" Lee squeaked. I squeezed him tighter, then stood up and offered my hand to him.

"Sorry," I said with a small smile.

Lee took it and I pulled him onto his feet. Gai, Neji and Tenten were staring at me weirdly, and I stuck my tongue out. "What?" I said. "Can't handle the booty?" Neji just looked away, scowling, and Tenten shrugged.

"Not many people just...hug Lee like that. Other than Gai-sensei," she said.

I scratched my head. "Does that mean I'm a hipster?" I asked seriously. Tenten looked lost.

"What...?"

I grinned.

"You've probably never heard of it." I said and sighed when I realised that no one would understand the joke.

God damn it... I could feel half of my humour just shrivel and die with that revelation. My arsenal of horrible puns and black humour...gone...

Ignoring my weirdness, Gai...sensei began the speech again. I zoned out for most of it, but I snapped back to reality when the sentence, "And now, two hundred push-ups to warm-up!"

I stared. Lee began eagerly, dropping down and doing push-ups so fast he was a green blur. Tenten and Neji followed suit, with less enthusiasm, and I still stared.

Oh my Jashin this is a bad dream. This is a very bad dream.

I could run at a jog-pace for a good amount of time, I had a lot of stamina. But I had little to no strength in my arms, something I would have to work on.

I frowned and began attempting to do...two hundred frikken' push-ups. Keyword being attempted. I struggled down, trying desperately not to collapse, and pushed up again.

"One," I grumbled. I leaned down again, and back up, aware of the strain in my arms. "Two." I glanced over at Lee (cue mental squealing) and Gai..sensei, and felt jealous of how they were able to do...

"FIFTY ONE! FIFTY TWO! FIFTY THREE!"

Yeah. And they were barely breaking a sweat while my arms were shaking from three push-ups and my chest ached. I frowned, temporarily shifting my body weight to a knee pressed in the ground as I rubbed my collarbone.

Strange, I can't remember getting hurt there...Oh wait, a mad god took a chunk out of me. But shouldn't I not be able to feel anything? Nerves being busted and all that...well he did say that not all nerves would be dead. Huh. But I got it stitched up? Oh I don't know, I don't understand medicine.

As I was pondering my strange ailments, the rest of Team Gai had reached 200 push-ups, Gai...sensei and Lee letting out shouts of joy. We got up from our positions, and I might have maybe possibly neglected to mention how I failed to reach five push-ups.

"And now, two hundred laps around the training grounds! This is our Springtime of Youth!"

I hung my head in defeat. I'm in hell, and the torture's just begun...

* * *

><p>"Yosh! Gai-sensei, what next?" Lee cheered in the distance.<p>

My legs felt like lead and my breathing was really laboured (what had Jashin-sama said about a ripped lung...?) as I trudged up beside them. Tenten was panting, albeit quieter than me, and Neji was fine, save for the couple of beads of sweat on his forehead.

"Now, my youthful students! Two hundred sit-ups! GO!"

The Green Beast duo began again with Tenten and Neji following suit soon after. I groaned and got into position.

* * *

><p>"...Alright! That's three hundred squats! Our youthful training is over for today! I'm proud of you, and your youthful passion!"<p>

My muscles burned. It hurt to move, but I had to walk through Konoha to get to Naruto's house - my temporary flat-mate until I found an apartment of my own. I moaned and wiped the sweat off my forehead.

Need...shower...

"Same time tomorrow, team!" Gai-sensei called after our departing backs, reminding me that I had to go through all of that again tomorrow.

I mumbled a good-bye to my baby-sitters/torturers and began the long way to Naruto's house. I could only hope he wasn't too mad at me for going and only leaving a note.

Wait. I paused. Why couldn't I read any of the signs here? Because they were written in kanji. In Japanese. Eastern language. What did I write in? English. Western language. With a completely different alphabet.

Could Naruto read English? I slapped a hand to my fore-head as I realised almost six hours later that the note I left would look like complete gibberish to Naruto. Maybe I could explain it away as me attempting to write a note, but my dyslexia fucking it up?

Oh yes, when in doubt, blame a disorder you don't have. Oh good lord Flynn you should be ashamed.

I began walking again, wincing and the pain sent shooting up my legs every time I came into contact with the ground. It just served to remind me that I would be walking home in this amount of discomfort for a long while, until I somehow, miraculously, got used to Gai-sensei's work-out.

...at...at least I'll get fit really quick this way...? I tried to convince myself that it was a good thing, but if I stopped and listened carefully, I could have sworn I head my muscles whisper 'kill me'.

Because it was kind of difficult for me to walk, it took me longer than it should have to reach Naruto's apartment. I pulled myself up the stairs and knocked on Naruto's door. A few moments later it was opened to reveal the ever-adorable Naruto.

"H-Hey, Naruto..." I greeted whilst rubbing circles on my thigh in hopes to ease the stiffness.

"Flynn-chan?" Naruto blinked. "Where did you go?" And then he noticed what I was wearing. "Hey! Those are mine!" He exclaimed. I winced at the volume.

"Can I come inside and explain?" I asked. Naruto stepped aside to let me in his messy apartment. I collapsed at the table and sighed in relief.

"What happened? You look really beat up - wait, did someone beat you up?! Tell me who the bastard is and I'll kick his ass!" Naruto growled, and I laughed.

"Ah, no, I just had a really intense training session with Gai. Um, Gai-sensei." I corrected myself. Naruto scratched his head.

"Gai-sensei...?" he asked. Oh yeah, had he even met him at this point?

"Uh, green spandex wearing, uh...youthful sensei...loves work outs straight from hell...no? Uh, a jounin sensei who's watching over me for...reasons," I explained vaguely.

"Oh, yeah," here he slammed his fist onto his palm in recognition, "him! That also explains why you weren't at the team meeting today." He added.

"Naruto, I'm not even on your team. Well, technically I'm not on Gai-sensei's team either, I'm just under watch. Oh! Right, yes, clothes! Sorry, I tried leaving a note but I'm dyslexic.." At Naruto's inquisitive look, I explained, "I can't read properly, and it's hard for me to write," and he nodded.

"But I'm dyslexic so it came out like gibberish. I, um, kind of didn't have any clothes, and you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you so I took some of yours. I'll pay you back!" I said quickly. "Don't worry, I just need to do, like, genin chores n' stuff."

Naruto laughed. "Nah, don't worry about it, I can just get more stuff." I blinked.

"Really?"

"Sure!" Naruto chirped. "It also means you owe me and have to do me a favour," he added with a smirk.

I grinned. "Of course, Oh great Master Naruto," I said in a mocking tone. "Anything for thee."

Naruto stuck his tongue out at me. "You need a shower! You stink!" He said. I held a hand over my heart in mock offense.

"Moi? Stink? How dare you! I smell like roses!" I gasped.

Naruto snorted. "What sort of roses have you been smelling?"

I laughed and heaved myself to my feet. "Ok, I probably should take a shower before I turn this place into a gas chamber. Wait - would that mean I'm Hitler?!" I gasped.

Naruto looked at me, confused. "Who's Hitler?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Oh, y'know. One of those everyday people." I answered, flashed him a grin before limping down the hallway to the shower.

I scrubbed my hair, and I was gentle around my stitches. I winced. That was gonna leave a huge ass scar on my chest! Not even a week here and I have a scar. Wow Flynn, you are really good at this survival thing. I'm sure fighting ninja will be a breeze!

Sarcasm aside, I had a magical shower that eased up my muscles and the stiffness in my limbs. After an hour, I stepped out of the shower and tied a towel around my body. I realised that this morning decided to do a retake, and I made a face as I stared at the only clothes I had. Covered in sweat and mud? Oh yes, let's put that on lickety split.

So... I looked around the bathroom, again, completely devoid of any convenient Flynn-sized clothes. So... I cracked the door open a fraction of a centimetre, hiding my body behind the door as I checked that the kitchen door was closed.

So...I was going to have to go into Naruto's room, in only a towel, and borrow more clothes.

Wow, this place really does hate me. My shoulders slumped as I realised the situation I was in. Getting into dirty clothes was out of the question, going back to Naruto in nothing but a towel was out of the question, and that left stealing clothes from Naruto, a boy who I barely even knew (aside from watching all his life) the only choice I had.

But, if I could, I don't know, go criminal and steal clothes for him to pay back the ones I took...then maybe it would make it sort of ok?

I opened the door quietly, wincing at the creak it made, and tiptoed down to Naruto's room, my eye on the kitchen door. Maybe, just maybe, I should have been looking the other way too...I thought my last day on Earth taught me that?

Just as the corner hid the kitchen door out of sight, I turned back around and basically pissed myself when I saw Naruto staring at me with a blush on his face. I squeaked and almost dropped my towel.

"Uh - Ah - I-"

"Umm - s-so, er-"

"Y-you..I'll just.."

"Yeah-hah..ahm.."

My face was as red as my hair, I just knew it..._Oh Jashin Flynn you've barely know him and you're already half naked! Forward much?...no, just no. What am I thinking oh god I'm gonna start panicking Jashin why does your humour include this?!_

We slowly inched past each other, sticking to opposite sides of the hallway and looking the other way. I shuffled into his room, and almost shut the door before I remembered something.

"H-Hey, Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"Now, this is gonna sound real bitchy, and naggy and needy n' all that good stuff, but you know the way I don't have any clothes...?"

"...yes, you can borrow some of mine."

"Don't worry, I steal you some so we're even!"

"Oh, oka- wait what?"

I turned around and grabbed a pair of beige shorts that looked as if they were supposed to end mid-thigh but on me they came down to my knee. Seriously. My height is ridiculous. After that I took a light-green t-shirt with the Leaf insignia on it.

I felt a pang of guilt at taking Naruto's clothes, but decided I'd make it up to him by stealing some clothes and leaving them on his bed. I'd wake up at the same time tomorrow (groan) and use magic ninja skills to get clothes.

I should probably feel guilty that I'm planning to steal, but hey, if I was gonna be a ninja it'd be part of the job description (also I was quite sure Gai-sensei wasn't supposed to be training me, just watching me, but I wasn't complaining. I wanted to be able to watch out for myself thanks).

I grabbed the towel and threw it into the washing basket, along with my borrowed clothes, before going back out to Naruto who was sitting at the table (with cup ramen...what a healthy supper) with traces of red still on his face.

I wanted to break this awkwardness between us so I struck a ridiculous pose against the door-frame, winked cheesily and said, "Am I fabulous yet?"

Silence.

My foot, finding it hard enough to get a grip on tiles when it was wet, couldn't take my weight and I slipped. "Wah-!" All the breath in me left with a whoosh. Naruto snorted and began laughing at my heaped form on the floor.

"Agh- shut up -eh!" I grumbled, but smiling all the same.

"W-Wow, y-you just-" Naruto gasped between laughs, "'Am I fab-fabulous yet' and then you - you -" He broke off laughing again and I joined in.

Mission - Relieve tension - complete!

I rubbed my head and sat up, booty-scooting forwards on the floor towards the table. I lay down beside the table - getting up was too much trouble - and stretched.

We talked for a while after that, him telling me all about the best places in Konoha for eating and how he completely aced the bell test, and me telling him a bit about my hometown, and what ridiculous things me and my friends did at sleepovers.

"So, so, here I am, sleeping soundly, and all I hear is this cccchhhhhh. And so I wake up, sit up and see all my friends staring at me and laughing their fucking arses off cause I have an ear full of shaving cream!" I laughed, recounting how my friends liked to wake me up in a bunch of horrible ways.

Naruto was laughing too, and scarily enough it seemed like he was getting ideas from my friends. Good thing I woke up before Naruto, I thought idly just as Naruto checked the time and spluttered.

"It's half eleven!" He exclaimed. I blinked, hands still in the air where I was gesturing wildly for my stories. "So?" I said dumbly.

I was used to getting to sleep at around two in the morning, or even three, so half eleven seemed like an early time to go to bed.

Oh that's right, I have to be up at seven! Awww shit! My face lit up with understanding. "Bed time, yeah?" I said, getting up and brushing myself off. Naruto nodded, and we both trudged off to bed.

I had flopped down on my amazing dream boat when I let out a groan. Naruto looked at me quizzically. "I'm not tired, and I have to be up in like, eight hours. I'm not getting to sleep and then I have Gai's work out to do and my ribs still fucking hurt. Myehhhh," I whined.

Naruto blinked. "You can't sleep? Have you drank warm milk? That usually does the trick.." he offered.

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. "...if you say so," I said dubiously. Warm milk? Didn't that only work in movies and cartoons? Well, this _was_ an anime...

I got up again and went off into the kitchen. I opened up a cupboard and pulled out a glass, filled it halfway with milk and stuck it in the microwave for twenty seconds. I pulled it out and stared at the warm glass for a few seconds. Would this really work...?

Shrugging, I muttered a "Yolo," and chugged it. My eyes widened. Holy shit, that was...amazing. I quickly poured another glass and stuck it in the oven, gulping that down too. I yawned, smacking my lips together.

What was I missing out on all these years? Warm milk was like magic - I really was tired. I walked back into Naruto's room, and he asked, "Sooo? You tired yet?" I looked at him before collapsing on my bed with a _whump_.

Naruto's laughing was the last thing I remembered before going to sleep.

* * *

><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>What happened over the next month was me waking up at seven each morning, which I slowly adjusted to, and going to train with Gai-sensei. I got way fitter than I was before, managing to do around seventy push-ups as the others did five hundred (crazy ninja stamina like whaaat). My arm strength improved a lot, meaning I wouldn't lose straight away in an arm wrestling match.<p>

Neji was suspicious of me. He wouldn't talk to me or anything, and whenever he did look at me it was with the Byakugan on and a huge scowl on his face like he was constipated or something.

It always made me giggle crazily when he did it, which earned a bigger scowl, which earned more giggles, etc. It usually ended with me on the ground gasping for air, him red in the face and gritting his teeth.

Sasuke was suspicious of me too. Funny, how the big bad prodigies of the infamous clans hated me, a nobody (but a fabulous nobody).

Sometimes Naruto would drag me off to where Team 7 would be eating and I'd have to endure Sakura's fangirling (I so desperately wanted to box her in the face), Sasuke's emo-ness and the embarrassment of not knowing how to use chopsticks.

Me and Tenten were cool. She'd show me how to throw shuriken and kunai properly, as I couldn't aim for shit. We'd talk together, mostly about how badass her weapons were and how Neji could possibly get his hair that soft. Y'know. The important things.

It was hard, of course, without my family. Without my mom nagging me to clean my room (a lost cause - the place was toxic, habitable to only me), without me Dad spouting horrible puns whenever he saw me, without my dogs waking me up on a school day by barking at nothing at four in the morning.

It hurt, but I'd endure Gai-sensei's training, go home, chat with Naruto and the likes and silently mourn the loss of my family.

Sometimes, thinking about the 'what ifs' kept me up for hours at night, but most of the time I was so exhausted from training I didn't have long to dwell.

The worst part though? There wasn't a drop of fucking coffee anywhere. On my days off, sometimes with Tenten, sometimes with Naruto, I'd stroll the streets of Konoha searching. (obviously not the worst part, but it kept my mind occupied from the overwhelming loneliness from being in this universe, seperated from everything I knew, without my family and friends - it hurt. So. _Much_.)

I'd go into cafés and ask if they served coffee, to which the answer was always no. I'd go hunting through shops searching for coffee jars, packets of coffee, anything! But nada showed up.

It was frustrating, because it was hard to get up so early in the morning (even after all this time!) and Jashin knows coffee would make it ten times easier. It was slowly becoming harder to remember the amazing taste of the work of God...

Speaking of which, Jashin-sama hadn't visited my dreams a while. While the rosary he gave me confirmed that I wasn't crazy I still had my doubts. I had no idea what to do with the fact that I was a Jashinist.

I mean, I was hardly going to start sacrificing people now - I've barely gotten the hang of a kunai, shuriken were a lost cause, and the idea of me killing people was laughable.

I managed to steal a couple of tops and pants for Naruto, and some for me, in varying times and places during a week. I knew it was bad that I didn't feel guilty, but truthfully it was exhilarating. I hadn't got caught - at least not yet - and I stopped once I was able to join Gai-sensei's team with D-ranked missions and get payed. I, of course, went back to the shops and left money on the counter when no one was looking, so it technically wasn't stealing. Kind of.

It wasn't a big sum of money, but after a few weeks of hard work I was able to afford an apartment next to Naruto's.

Only because the place was a dump, and literally only Naruto and some grumpy old hag lived here so the rent was really cheap.

It was small, with an adjoining kitchen and living room. The kitchen was big enough, not too big but since it was just me I didn't mind. There was a mini fridge, a sink, a small stove and a couple of cupboards all shoved off to one side with a plain L-shaped counter on the other and dirty tiles and grubby walls that begged for a wash.

At the end of the room stood a doorway of sorts, only instead of an actual door there were long strings of colourful beads. I liked them - they gave the apartment a more home-like feel.

In the next room was a low table, an old two-seater couch with a window behind it and a bookshelf that swamped the entire left wall. The painter must have been colourblind, what with the murky purple that covered the walls.

To the right there was another beaded doorway which lead down a small hallway. On the right side was a door (it was a bad shade of yellow...ugh) that led to my new bedroom.

There was a single bed and a wardrobe, and the walls were covered in a faded layer of green paint. Behind another door in the back was a bathroom connected with a laundry room, and that was the extent of my lil' apartment.

Maybe, it would go from a badly painted hovel to a cosy home when I repainted and cleaned it...(never mind that I was _thirteen_ and I shouldn't have to support myself or that I didn't know _how)._

Of course, that entitled more chores - sorry, D-rank missions - with Team Gai to get the money I needed. Lee was enthusiastic with them, as he was with everything, and powered through them "youthfully" with Gai-sensei.

Tenten did them slowly, mostly because I would be constantly distracting her - not that she seemed to mind. Neji acted as if they were beneath him and did them with a scowl etched on his face.

Didn't Princess know he was going to get wrinkles from always frowning? I wondered on our current 'mission', weeding somebody's garden. Tenten snorted beside me and I could feel Neji glaring at me.

"I - I said that out loud didn't I?" I mused. Tenten was holding back her laughter beside me and I could swear my skin was shriveling up from the look Neji was giving me.

"My bad." Neji scowled but went back to weeding, as did Tenten. We worked quietly - well, as quiet as Lee and Gai-sensei could get anyway. The silence was stifling.

Just to break the dullness, I began humming a random tune under my breath as I plucked weeds. "By lonely prison wall...I heard a young girl calling...Michael, they are taking you away...For you stole Travelyn's corn..so the young may see..the...morn...w-what?"

I blinked when I realised that Team Gai were all staring at me, even Neji. I felt my cheeks practically glowing under the scrutiny. "What?" I mumbled. Tenten blinked.

"I haven't heard you singing before," she said, and behind her Lee and Gai-sensei nodded. I scratched my ear awkwardly.

"Um, I'm not that great, I'd probably get arrested if I sang too much," I said.

"That song you were singing, I've never heard it before. Is it a foreign song?" Tenten asked curiously, and my mind stuttered.

"Ah - yeah, it is. Foreign, I mean, it's from my homeland. Which, uh, is quite far from here," I told them, leaving out the fact that "quite far" meant "another world". Probably wouldn't bode well for my sanity.

"You're not from Konoha, Flynn-chan?" Lee gasped. Tenten and Gai-sensei looked at me fully, expecting an answer. I blinked. What, did they not notice that they've never seen me in the Academy? Although, I could be from a different class...but still, they would never have seen me around the village?

"My parents died when I was born, see, and I was adopted by travelling merchants from some orphanage and we travelled around my homeland for a bit and I heard songs n' stuff like that one and then we went to Hi no Kuni but I ran away 'cause they wanted to marry me off to some other travelling merchants to join us together in happy merchant unity and I came here!" I took a huge breath, panting.

God my lying skills are so good. Wow. A++ Flynn. I thought. When I looked up I saw Tenten look at me sympathetically. Had...had they _actually _believed me? Meanwhile Lee and Gai-sensei had tears in their eyes. I gulped. Why - why do I feel like I should be running...?

The answer came to me - literally. Lee and Gai-sensei trapped me with a flying hug and began wailing into my ears. "Oh you poor soul! To not know your parents, to be away from home, and yet to still smile like you do! Your flames of youth shine brightly! Let us take note from your bravery Flynn-chan! UWAHH!"

I twitched. My ears were ringing and my vision was swamped in green spandex. "Y-yes, ok, please let me go...!" I gasped. This was lung abuse! For a moment I caught a glimpse of Neji between the green.

The bastard was smirking.

"Son of a - "

* * *

><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>After being paid for painting a fence, along with the other (traumatic) missions, I headed home to my apartment around nine o'clock in the morning. I glanced around my bare kitchen before settling on pulling out a cup of instant ramen.<p>

I know Jashin-sama said my stomach was bust, but everything felt in place, not all squished and loose, and there was no rattling of organs in my chest, so while I wasn't exactly sure of the details, I guessed that when they took me to hospital to inspect my body they patched up my organs for me.

How thoughtful!

Considering the fact that I had a complete lack of any hunger pains, I had no need for food. Yet if I ate food I would need to go toilet, a fact I found out by forgetting Jashin-sama's explanation and eating out with Team Gai. The food...came out...like I had just chewed it up and spat in the toilet so I chalked it up to my organs being...well, a dead girl's organs.

Therefore, my stomach wouldn't digest, my intestines wouldn't absorb, but I could safely eat food without it rotting inside me, due to my muscles still functioning, I suppose. It would just be like passing food through a tube - nothing really happened, it just went in one end and out the other.

Since now I only had to eat food for the taste, I would never, ever have to eat vegetables again! Mwahahaha!

Five minutes later I was eating the noodles with the only piece of cutlery I possessed, a solitary fork. No wonder Naruto pretty much lived off the stuff, I mused, twirling my fork idly. Cheap, quick to cook and probably filling. Great for a lonely orphan kid who couldn't get the proper food...

I blinked. Did Naruto ever get visitors, outside of being called for missions, before Shippuden? I went over the anime in my head, and frowned. No, I don't think so...Should I...?...sure, why the heck not.

I finished slurping up the lukewarm noodles, put the cup in the bin and pocketed the keys to my flat. I headed upstairs, as I was on the first floor and Naruto was on the very top.

I knocked on his door and waited. A few moments later the blond answered, seemingly surprised at my appearance. "Flynn-chan?"

I smiled. "Last time I checked, yeah." I ran a hand through my hair, fingers snagging on a few knots. I really had to buy a hair brush.

"Sorry, I just thought I would pop by, see how you've been, y'know?" I said, offering a small smile. Naruto offered a cheek-splitting one in return and invited me in.

We sat down in his kitchen and began talking about anything and everything, from D ranks to the hidden ramen cults, from famous nuke-nins favourite foods to the silliest jutsu we could come up with.

It was relaxing, just to sit around and chat with my friend. Hmm...wait a second... Cutting off from my colourful description of how to scare the whole of Konoha via luminous pink ANBU suits, I frowned down at my fingers.

How many people did I know personally that were my age? There was...I held up six fingers, Naruto looking on curiously. Now how many did I get along with? I hummed to myself as I was left with two fingers.

"What's going on Flynn-chan?" Naruto asked, confused by my apparent inability to finish a sentence. To answer, I held up my two fingers, the result of my complicated thought process.

"What's going on is that I only have two proper friends in this village, and I've been here, what? A month? I mean, I know a good amount of people, but they either hate me or are twice my age...not exactly good friend material, yeah? So, can you please please please come with me and possibly introduce me to people my own age? If you're not busy, of course, I really don't want to trouble you or anything, so if it's too bothersome-"

"Flynn-chan!" Naruto interrupted my rambling. "It's ok! I know some people you'd probably get along with...actually, now that I think of it I haven't seen them in a while either!" He slapped his fist and palm together.

"So, you'll...?" I trailed off, and Naruto gave one of those smiles able to light up a city at night and grabbed my hand, pulling me off my ass (for someone younger than me, he was stronger than he looked, christo) and dragging me out the door.

Huh, deja-vu much? Much like the first time I met him, Naruto was running ahead of me while I attempted to keep up with the bundle of energy. Seriously, the kid was on caffeinated steriods or something! Even with the month of hell- training with Gai-sensei I still found it hard not to fall over my feet.

Speaking of the first time I met him, wasn't he supposed to lead me to the gates of Konoha? Or maybe he got mixed up between leading me to the gate and meeting his team and thought he had to lead me to his team? ...or maybe he was really excited to meet someone who didn't hate him on sight, and wanted to show his team?

Feeling slightly guilty over asking the orphan boy with limited friends to help me meet more people, I ran into aforementioned boy when he stopped while I was daydreaming. He was in front of training grounds...13, from what I could tell of the worn down sign.

In front of me, in the spacey grounds, I could see three people, about my age, training hard. I almost screeched when I realised it was Team 8 who were in the grounds. That meant, Hinata, Kiba and Shino were right there, the most adorable (other than Naruto) lil' ninjas-to-be and they were right there -!

I clutched Naruto's arm. "Oh sweet baby Jesus," I wheezed. I didn't know if my poor nerd heart could take it.

Naruto, who either didn't hear me or ignored me, stretched out an arm and began waving madly to catch their attention. "OIIIIIIII!" He called out, right beside my ear. Ouch.

The three figures stopped their movements and turned towards us. I was able to just about make out the marks on Kiba's cheeks and Hinata's pupil free eyes before they were jogging towards us.

"Oh, it's you," Kiba said. Naruto huffed.

"What's that supposed to mean, huh?"

Kiba shrugged. "So why did you come here? Trying to check out some of my totally sweet new moves?" He grinned. Naruto snorted.

"No way! I came here cause I wanted to introduce you to Flynn-chan!" Me, who was quietly in awe of being in front of the Team 8 blinked to find three pairs of eyes on me. Mentally, I took in a deep breath. Ok, first impressions matter, make it count, don't embarrass yourself in front of them-

"Ohmygodisyourhairassoftasitlooks?!" I squealed, rushing over to Hinata and patting her hair, admiring how soft it was. It was like petting air! I didn't know that someone's hair could be this perfect! "Woah~!"

Hinata squeaked and turned bright red instantly to have a random stranger touching her hair, and in front of her crush too. Noticing how worryingly close Hinata was to fainting, I gave her a bit of breathing space.

"Um, whoops? Sorry, Hin- so! I'm Ryder Flynn, you -eh?" I said quickly, covering up the fact that I knew their names.

"Inuzuka Kiba and Akamaru!"

"Aburame Shino."

"...H-H-Hyuuga Hina-ata."

"Hm...haven't I seen you somewhere before?" Kiba muttered, breaking the five seconds of awkward silence that came up. I blinked. Shino seemed more focused on me too (although it was kind of hard to tell with the glasses) and I racked my head for memories of meeting them.

"Ah...maybe? I've been here for a month, so you could've seen me around..." I offered.

"A month ago, a month ago, a month- OH!" he snapped his fingers suddenly. "You were that girl we found in the forest!" My eyebrows arched. In the forest...? Did he mean when I first woke up in the Naruverse? Huh. That would explain a lot, such as why I woke up in the morgue of a hospital.

"I was?" Was what came out of my mouth. What also came out, funnily enough, was the veins in Hinata's Byakugan, and the kikaichu out of Shino's sleeve, and the growl out of Kiba's mouth.

"Wh-"

"You're a spy, aren't you?!"

"No I-"

"Surrender peacefully or we will use force."

"But-"

"D-D-Don't move!"

"Even you-?"

Before I could explain myself, Kiba leaped at me. Somehow Akamaru seemed less cute when it looked like he wanted to tear my throat out.

I stumbled to the right and narrowly avoided a full-on body collision with Kiba - instead, I got a full-on body collision with Naruto! Yay me.

"N-Naruto - help?!" I squeaked frantically. I fell to the ground as my human cushion straightened up, which helped me dodge another attack as Kiba pounced and narrowly avoided tackling me.

"O-Oi, what are you guys doing?!" Naruto yelled. "If she was a spy, shouldn't she be doing more - more spy stuff?! But even ask Bushier-brows-sensei, he'll tell you that she's always been training with him, and that means she wouldn't have time to do spy-ish stuff!"

Naruto's argument...actually made a lot of sense. Enough sense to stop Team 8 from attacking me, thank Jashin. I got to my feet and looked at the suspicious faces of Team 8.

"Well, this was a memorable first meeting," I remarked stupidly. Kiba snorted and dropped out of his battle stance.

"Well, I don't know. If you aren't a spy, then how come you were covered in blood?" Kiba demanded. I blinked.

"I..was?"

"And how come you fell out of the sky?"

"I did?!"

"And what was with that power wave thing?"

"What the hell-"

"A-and how c-come you ha-had no heartbeat or ch-chakra network?"

"Well, actually-"

"Wait wait wait!" Naruto yelled, interrupting the questions being fired at me. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"We found her body lying in a crater in the woods," Shino supplied, "and us, Kurenai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei brought her to Hokage-sama." 'Her' is right here, stop talking like I'm not, I thought irately.

Naruto seemed to take this all in and think it over, before saying slowly, "Well, if she was dead and covered in blood, then how come she's up and moving now?" This brought a silence upon the five of us, one which, surprisingly enough, Hinata broke.

"Maybe i-it was a ju-jutsu, or an experim-ment gone w-w-wrong?" she stuttered quietly, blushing when everyone turned their eyes on her as if evaluating the theory.

"...could be," Kiba muttered, although it seemed to me that he still wanted to believe I was a spy. I huffed.

"Well, maybe it was an experiment! Maybe I'm some - some test tube baby gone wrong or something, but that doesn't change the point here!" I exclaimed.

"Uh...what point?" Kiba asked, probably because of my complete lack of mentioning any motives prior.

"The point is, do you wanna be my friends?"

Stunned silence followed. Kiba's mouth opened and closed, like he was eating an invisible burger. Or maybe a kebab? Hmm, he didn't really seem like the kebab sort of guy - maybe it was a bar of chocolate? God I would kill for some chocolate right now!

Or coffee. Coffee would be good too. I craved that mineral.

Naruto stared expectantly at Team 8, as if he fully expected them to leap at the chance. Knowing him, he probably did.

"W-well, how can we know if we can trust you?" Kiba shot back. I rolled my eyes. It seemed like he was clinging to any reason not to be my friend - honestly, he made it look like it was "unreasonable "and "not wise" to be friends with that one body you found in the woods that you thought was dead but was actually not! The nerve!

"Considering the fact that I have been here a month and have done nothing remotely threatening to Konoha as a whole? Well, maybe I made a probably-most-likely-definitely-insane jounin really angry and led her on a rampage through town, but c'mon! No one could possibly hope to pay off that much dango!"

...they just stared at me.

"A-Ano...I w-wouldn't mind...being your f-f-friend," Hinata said quietly. I turned to look at her, and beamed.

"Thank you Hinata-chan!" I cheered. Hinata blushed even further, if that was possibly, and twiddled her fingers adorably.

"I do not mind having an acquaintance with you," Shino said stiffly, readjusting his glasses. I nodded, still smiling.

"Sweet."

Kiba turned his nose up. "I can't be friends with a girl! Yuck!" At this point he made a face, Akamaru yipping on top of his head. I snorted.

"What, so Hinata-chan isn't your friend? Rude," I said, shaking my head a little.

"W-wait, no - I didn't mean it like that-!" He spun around to Hinata, "don't listen to her Hina-chan! You're definitely my friend!"

While Kiba was distracted, I leaned over and whispered into Naruto's ear, "I'll explain the whole "spy thing" to you later," and he nodded, a solemn expression on his usually cheerful face.

I turned back to Team 8 to realise that Hinata was laughing quietly and Kiba was yelling something at Shino. What did I miss?

I turned to Naruto quizzically but he began laughing so hard he couldn't hear me.

Rude.

But as if he had heard my thoughts, he straightened up suddenly with a look of 'oh shit' written all over his face.

"OhmysweetramenkingIforgotIhadateammeetingSakura-chan'sgonnabesopissedgottagobyeguys!"

...did...did Naruto forget he had to breathe? I wondered as he sprinted away. I squinted into the sky and judged that it was around noon. I vaguely thought about what mission Naruto would get, if it had any relevance to the anime at all.

...probably not.

"Seeya, new friend-pal-buddies!" I called over my shoulder. I got the impression that only Shino heard, judging by his one hand salute.

Oh well.

* * *

><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>It was just after one o'clock when Naruto came a'knocking on my door. He seemed breathless but very very excited when I opened the door. Also covered in scratches and bite marks for some reason.<p>

While he caught his breath, I looked over him. "I hope you have a lot of plasters," I said. "Because that it a lot of cuts. What did you do, offend a blender or something?"

He shuddered, muttered something about a cat demon, then did a 180 and smiled again. "Guess what? Guess what?" I stared at him, bemused. He took my silence as confirmation to continue and said, "I just got my first C-rank! Can you believe it-dattebayo?! I'm so excited! Jiji said something about being gone for two weeks or something so I thought I'd tell you! I gotta leave in an hour though, so maybe-"

I slapped a hand over his mouth, cutting off his blabbing. Ok, I liked to talk a lot too, but c'mon, sometimes it was just ridiculous. "Ok! I get it, Naruto! You should get packing, don't want Sakura to get mad at you again do you?" I laughed.

His eyes widened comically and he took off for his own apartment, keen on not upsetting his crush.

I closed the door and frowned, tapping my chin thoughtfully. C-rank mission? That was something important, right...? Hm...hmmm...oh.

_Oh._

I nearly slapped myself. "Oh my Jashin Flynn you idiot!" I whisper yelled. This was the mission where Duckbutt gained his Sharingan, where Naruto realised his bond with Sasuke, where Momichi Zabuza came along and was going to come close to killing my friends and hurt them all terribly -

I hadn't noticed I was shaking until my butt hit the dirty tiles of my kitchen and trembled, like there was an invisible massage chair doing it's thing, but it wasn't very good if I was panicking and couldn't seem to breathe was it?

I gasped, then actually slapped myself this time. "Get a hold of yourself, christ Flynn!" I grumbled, and slapped myself again for good measure.

Didn't they all come out fine? Didn't they all go to the Chuunin exam together? What was the point of worrying about something that probably helped them all in the long run?

But! What the anime didn't fucking show was how the characters were actual people, and very easy to get attached to (even Duckbutt..) and knowing that these in-the-flesh, real, emotion feeling people were off to go throw themselves into danger, and the feeling of having to step aside and let it happen made me feel like one of the most useless friends to ever exist.

After all, what was the point of friends if they didn't help each other?

I shook my head. What, was I going to use my non-existent ninja skills and follow them? The village's trust in me was thin, at best, and actually giving them a reason to throw me out on my ass? Nah mate.

So what was I going to do? Train. I was going to become strong enough to hold my own, because god knows I was pathetic as I was now. Sure, I had an over average amount of stamina, and semi-immortality, but what use was that if I didn't have the strength to actually defend my booty?

Well, I guess that was decided then! I got up the floor, dusting off my rear (this place really, definitely, needed a wash!) and put on the kettle.

By pure luck, when I was coffee hunting, I found a large box of tea - the type where you added milk, you know the one - tucked away in the back of a little corner shop. It reminded me of home, so I bought it.

It also came in tea bags, which was a bonus for me.

After precisely calculating the exact force and amount of dunking my teabag should go through, and analysing the measure of milk that went in, I had myself a perfect cup of tea.

I sat on my couch, and drank my tea leisurely, until I heard a knock on my door again. I opened it and surprise! It was Naruto, the only person who knew where I lived! Who would have guessed it was him?

"I'm going now Flynn, I have to escort this old geezer Tazzy or something to the Land of Waves, it's gonna be fun!" He grinned.

"D'you mind if I go with you to the gates?" I asked.

"Sure!"

I stepped out and locked the door behind me, and we began walking - for once! - down to the gates. Just before we came into earshot of Sasuke, Sakura and Tazuna, I said quickly, "I promise to tell you everything about how I came here when you get back, because it's kind of a long story and you're gonna want to sit down." I bit my lip, before turning to look him in the eyes.

"Do you trust me?" He blinked, seemingly caught off guard from the question, before smiling widely.

"Of course! We're friends, right?" I grinned widely in relief. I'm...not too sure what I would do, actually, if Naruto gave me the cold shoulder. It hurt to even think about, considering that he basically became my pillar of support in a familiar yet horribly unfamiliar world.

I waved them good bye, even though they probably wouldn't leave for another two hours thanks to Kakashi's impulses to help every little old lady with her groceries, and made my way to the nearest weapons shop to purchase some kunai.

I was going to begin training right away - the sooner the better right? Yeah, the sooner I got some coffee the better...

* * *

><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>It was three weeks before they returned.<p>

In that time, I had gotten closer to Team 8, even went out for barbecue with them sometimes! Even if it was a pain in the ass to convince Kurenai that no, I was not a spy and no, I was not trying to hurt her team, and yes, I was aware I was surrounded by jounin and therefore could not attack the village, not that I wanted to.

But apart from that small blip things went by smoothly with my new friends. New friends. I had to smile at the thought that I was friends with some of the most amazing people ever to grace this filthy plane with their level of fabulousness.

As for training, with kunai in hand-to-hand combat I wasn't actually half bad, and hey, if I hit the target six times out of ten, well, it was better then accidentally hitting my friends, right?

I was still pretty scared of touching shuriken, what with them being pointy lethal things and me being a right clumsy idiot, so those were a big no-no. I knew that I was getting -very, very gradually - stronger, and in a few more years I might actually be a decent fighter. Who would have thought?

I kind of half-hoped that I would find a weapon that would fit me perfectly, like Zoro and his katana, or Harry and his wand, or something, and I would be able to use it perfectly, like a match made in heaven.

But for now I would stick with kunai. I should focus on my strengths right?

I was walking around the village - near the gates, conveniently, when I noticed four blobs in the distance. I spun around so fast I'm pretty sure I got whiplash and stared at them.

I had a long-distance staring competition and just when my eyes were watering I could see the features of the four.

I felt like the smile was going to break my face. "Naruto! Duckbutt! Sakura!" I yelled out the gates. I could see Naruto perk up, and Sasuke scowl, and Sakura cooing. At Sasuke, mind you.

Naruto ran all ten metres towards me and nearly crushed me in a hug. I laughed and hugged him back. Sasuke ignored me, and Sakura gave a polite "hello" before going back to kissing the ground Duckbutt walked on.

In Shippuden, Sakura would be a great character, strong and independent, but Pre-timeskip, she was just a girl with a crush.

Not that I could say anything, I wasn't anything great either, but at least I wasn't doing the whole ninja business for a boy who could literally give less shits about my existence as a whole.

Anyway! With Kakashi's half assed departing comment of, "training, same time and place as usual," Team 7 split up. After dragging me off to T&I, Kakashi, previously named Silver, just ignored me.

Rude much? He was probably just embarrassed about being so hostile towards me. I should tell him that I forgive him.

Later though, more important things going on like the ever desperate hunt for coffee.

After feeling like all my organs exploded for the second time from the force of Naruto's hug, we parted and I offered to pay for lunch. Naturally Naruto agreed, and I stared Sasuke down before he grunted and agreed.

Which led to the four of us - yes Sakura "you can't use chopsticks you must be stupid" Haruno decided to grace us with her presence - sitting in Yakiniku Barbecue and awaiting our orders.

The silence was horrible. My foot began tapping.

The general babble of the other diners seemed to be unable to penetrate the bubble of awkward silence that surrounded us. My fingers drummed on the table.

I felt anxious. Oh god, should I say something? Were they expecting me to say something? Did I even have money to pay?

A brief pat-down of my pockets told me I did, in fact, have my wallet and enough money from a hell of a lot of D-ranks.

Even Sakura refrained from saying anything, and just as I was about to yell something highly offensive to break the tension the waitress came over like a godsend.

She laid the array of food down on the table and everyone else - even Duckbutt, emotionally stunted as he was - chimed (or monotoned) an "Itadakimasu!" and collectively turned to look at me when I stayed silent.

Ah yes, hello again blush, long time no see.

"I- Itchy-tacky-mass?" I tried. My mouth seemed to be unable to spit out the foreign words, to my chagrin. Sakura rolled her eyes and muttered something along the lines of "no manners, honestly" under her breath before tucking in.

On cue, Naruto and Sasuke joined in, laying slices of meat on the open barbecue, and I was left staring at the chopsticks reproachfully.

My worst enemy, here to thwart me socially again, I groused internally. I struggled to hold my chopsticks in the same way everyone else did, the ends slipping off to different directions whenever I applied force.

Picking up my food? Nah. Sliding it across a somewhat clean table and prodding it onto the open barbecue spot while everyone stared at me? Yeah. Ugh.

Even Naruto stared, Naruto, my only ally. I huffed. "Don't give me that, not my fault I can't use two sticks elegantly! This is bullying..."

I stuck my tongue out at the smirk Duckbutt sent me, smug bastard. Sakura glared at me in defence of her crush. Bluh.

Just as she opened her mouth to yell at me, Naruto asked, "Are you gonna eat that, Sakura-chan?" Oblivious of the shouting about to happen, he redirected Sakura's anger to him.

Judging that my slice was done, I attempted to pick it up on my plate, sticking my tongue out in concentration. Shakily, I managed, pinching it between the chopsticks messily...and now I had to transfer it from the plate to my mouth. I swear, this was an impossible mission.

I gave up trying to keep my dignity, and while Sakura was giving out to Naruto, who looked confused as to why she was angry, I angled the plate above my head and swept the cooked meat off into my mouth.

As I chewed, I almost cried. That was...amazing? Holy shit I should eat here more often!

...on second thought, I would find a fork, and then come here more often.

Luckily, no one noticed my third slip of manners...except, of course, Duckbutt had an immunity to the frequent shouting that occurred between his teammates, and eyed me as I hastily chewed my slice.

I blinked, and narrowed my eyes at him and dared him to make a jab about my lack of social etiquette (in another dimension with a different culture I had never experienced before like seriously what did you expect).

Although, most of the affect was probably ruined by my puffed cheeks and blush from my ears to my neck. He snorted and looked away, taking his dainty little fingers to daintily use his chopsticks to daintily pick up a slice and put it daintily down on the barbecue...daintily.

He was mocking me wasn't he?! I swallowed my yakiniku angrily and continued to slide the meal to the barbecue spot instead of saving my dignity. Maybe, in the middle of the night, it would come crawling back to me.

When we were done and the bill came, the little silver dish reminded me of my single plate and bowl. I should probably work on that - did they have an Ikea in the Narutoverse?

I glanced at the bill, and tossed it to Sasuke who was sitting across from me. "How much?" I asked. I could see the sassy remark about to hop out of his mouth so I quickly added, "I'm dyslexic, mate."

I raised an eyebrow and he broke eye contact first, gruffly reading out, "Two thousand five hundred."

Hm...that was something around twenty euro right? Not bad for a meal of four...I think. I didn't exactly pay for meals often.

I put the slightly crumpled notes on the dish and we left, Naruto blabbing about training, as usual. Sakura said something about her parents and left, and Duckbutt took that as cue to walk off to the Uchiha compound.

...thinking about it now, I felt bad for him. I couldn't imagine one of my family members killing my whole family, even on orders, and then being forced to live in the same house with the reminders of what happened still present.

I shuddered, and to be honest? I didn't blame Sasuke for going off the deep end while searching for the power to destroy Itachi. Most of the social interaction he got was fangirl attention, and pitying looks from complete strangers. How many "I'm sorry for your loss"'s could bring back the dead?

In a nutshell, with limited interaction and a constant reminder of how his entire family died...what did you expect to happen to the orphan boy?

Maybe I should try to be a bit more friendly with him? Not making awkward small talk though, hell no. I'd just, say, stop being stand-offish with him?

Hey, maybe if I could get the Duckbutt to open up a bit to his teammates, he would have stronger connections with Konoha and not be coerced out of the village by the creepy pedophile with a fetish for cursed hickeys!

I was pondering all this as I meandered in a vaguely familiar direction around the village, making my way gradually to where I could have sworn I saw a shop that sold crockery.

Speaking of people who had gone off the deep end, what was I going to do in preparation for the Chuunin Exams? First off, the Sound Team, and Kabuto. Then the unstable Gaara, and that small lil' invasion thing that was being cooked up in Suna. And to top off this shitstorm, a crazy nuke-nin out for a twelve year old's body.

And then there was little old me, with my dead body, little-to-no combat knowledge whatsoever, and too much foreknowledge than was probably ok to let slip.

...maybe my body would start decomposing and I wouldn't have to deal with this shit.

* * *

><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>It was a couple of weeks before the thing that probably changed my whole future in this universe came around.<p>

It was a scalding hot day down in some random training ground, the one where Team Seven usually met up, with the little red bridge.

The actual ninja themselves were sparring, Naruto against Sasuke and Kakashi against Sakura. Me myself was sitting on the edge of the riverbank, with my feet in the water and my face upturned to the sun.

It was sunny for what? Maybe a week in Ireland per year? Warm days were so rare it was ridiculous. I had almost no tolerance for heat, but with the ice cold water providing a nice contrast, the sun seemed pleasant on my face.

I debated the pros and cons of seeming like a vampire for the rest of my life to gaining more of those god damned freckles, and decided that since it was a rare day where I had no practice with Gai-sensei, why not?

Thus I was wearing a random pair of shorts and a tank top (that I actually owned!), sunning myself to the relaxing sounds of insults being screamed at Sasuke, courtesy of Naruto.

I heard the Duckbutt shouting, "Kaaton!" and I turned around to look. Technically, it was my first time seeing a jutsu, so I don't think you can blame me for my excitement. What was less exciting though, was to see a ridiculously large fireball bearing down upon me after Naruto obviously dodged.

My mouth dropped open and I didn't have enough time to scramble out of the way completely. A burst of white hot pain roared up my entire left leg and left me reeling.

That was when I felt it, a loud, grating buzzing noise that shook me to my core. My head felt like it would burst, and burning flaming hurtpainhelpmeohgod crawled up my leg, inching to a stop at my waist and shooting down my other leg, leaving agony in its wake.

It was the kind of pain that left my senses clouded over with white noise. I was numb to the dirt shoving its way into my mouth as I covered my ears with shaking hands and screamed.

I don't know how long I was hunched over beside the river screaming like I was dying. It felt like everything from my waist down was put through a blender, so I think you can see why I couldn't concentrate.

But, what I remember - perhaps the only thing I can remember, actually - clearest about the accident was the feeling of something foreign blooming in both my legs. Imagine having brambles growing in your legs, reaching outwards with thousands of pinpricks of thorns. Multiply that by ten and that's what I felt.

I don't know what happened between the time I inevitably passed out to when I woke up in a hospital bed. An actual hospital bed, for patients. Wow. I was honoured.

I was pretty sure someone from Team 7 carried me to hospital, most likely Kakashi, but I had no idea how long had passed. Gee, sure hope I didn't wake up in another world again.

I was propped up on my bed before a medic nin came in. At least I thought it was a medic nin. They might've been a plain old medic, I couldn't tell.

"Ah, you're awake!" she exclaimed. I felt like saying no, really? but I didn't want to sass out someone who could tell me what the actual fuck happened.

The pain in my legs had subsided, but why did being hit by a gigantic fireball hurt so much?

...well, shit, it's not like I was burnt horrifically or anything! But I mean, how could frying my left leg hurt my right leg? I'm pretty sure it wasn't caught in the flame...was it? Naw.

So what could have caused it?

"..iss? Miss?" I blinked, brought out of my thoughts by the medic peering closely at me. I registered the concerned glance she threw at me, blinking at her again.

She was flicking through a clipboard I hadn't noticed before, muttering something about not hearing of any head trauma...

I almost hit myself. Wow, how out of it did I look? "Ah, sorry, medic-san!" I chuckled, bunching the quilt under my hands in my fists, "I zoned out there for a moment, could you repeat what you said?"

She stopping flicking through pages for a moment, before smiling at me. "Right, well miss, you've sustained serious third degree burns to your left leg, and you've been out of it for...a day and a half."

She began flicking through the charts again, her smile disappearing and a frown growing as she read on, but all I could think of was, god damn it am I cursed to remain pale forever? How the heck am I supposed to stop glowing if I can't stay in the sun?

"...that can't be right...surely..."

The medic was staring at the clipboard as if it had insulted her family. "Medic-san? What's wrong?" I asked, curiosity peaking. Was there something wrong with my health?

Her eyes flicked up to me and back down to the clipboard. "Well...it says here that you don't have any chakra..." I blinked, oddly disappointed. Damn, I was hoping I had gained, like, a second heart I didn't know about or something. The whole "I'm a being completely devoid of chakra!" thing wasn't new.

"And no chakra pathways..." Was that all? Maybe I should tell her it's nothing to worry about?

"Except for in your legs."

...What. The. Fuck.

I blinked. And again. And I slowly breathed out and pinched my cheek.

What manner of utter bullshit is this?!

"Um... god, must be an error or something right? That's ridiculous!" I chuckled nervously. The medic hesitated before nodding with me.

"Right, of course, must be! Anyway, we've treated the damage as best we could, and you should take it easy on putting strain on the muscles. Oh...and we're afraid there will be some scars." She winced, as if expecting me to start sobbing hysterically.

"...sweet. I can say I was fighting a dragon for the honour of kidnapping the princess, and it roasted my leg while I was chopping off it's head!" I rambled. I didn't mind that much, not compared to the fact that I had developed something that should be impossible.

Ugh, I was so confused.

"You're free to go, unless you want a check-up on your head?" She said. I could feel the worry in her tone.

"Nah, it's grand, I'll have to escape before they realised that I am the Dark Overlord who kidnaps princesses!" I cackled, and threw the bed covers off of me. I stood up carefully and shuffled out of the room, beaming at the concerned medic.

What a nice person.

Anywho, what was the deal with the pathways? Why did my body randomly decide to be more weird than normal?

Unless...it wasn't random?

But why would being hit by a gigantic fireball in this universe be different from being hit by one in my old one? ...what if it had something to do with chakra? I'm pretty sure the other universe didn't have it, so maybe that's the reason?

Maybe when it hit me, my leg reacted to the chakra or something? Like growing pathways? Was that even possible - well, considering in this universe I'm dead, there's ninja and the rules of physics don't apply, what would be considered impossible?

But what did all this mean in regards to me being chakraless? I doubted that I would suddenly be able to do ninjutsu, or even produce chakra. Did that mean I went through all that pain for some useless pathways?

Even if my theory was true, which was highly improbable.

God damn motherfucking universe throwing random shit my way. I wasn't even the main fucking character.

I shook out my legs a bit, and jogged back to my house to ease out the stiff muscles and headed home for a nice cup of tea.

* * *

><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>The next day, after ascertaining that I did not dream up the chakra pathways in my legs, I headed down to training ground three, where I was meeting up with Gai for the day.<p>

As I walked into the spacious grounds, I noticed that Team Gai were sort of just milling about, conversing quietly.

Strange...they're all here, why haven't they started?

They hadn't seemed to notice me, how dare they. "Uh...yo." Lee immediately spun around, beaming.

"Flynn-chan!" That seemed way too overenthusiastic over just seeing me, even for Lee.

"What's going on?" I asked, although I got interrupted by an excited mass of green slamming into my (still tender!) ribs and proceeding to leech any oxygen I had in my body via bear hug.

...wheezzzeee...

Only from the divine intervention of Tenten were my lungs spared from Lee. I caught my breath and noted the concerned looks of the team (bar Neji).

"Um..."

"Flynn-chan! What happened? We heard that you were in hospital!" Tenten said at last. I blinked. Right - I didn't show up to training yesterday...I suppose they would have been worried about me...

Something about the generally happy Team Gai being concerned over me made me very uncomfortable, so I just shrugged.

"I was an idiot, emos can't aim well, the dirt is tastier than I thought it would be, y'know...regular stuff?"

I was pretty surprised when she cuffed me over the back of my head. Looking up with wide eyes, I took in her frowning face.

"Don't joke around like that! We were seriously worried about you!" She scolded. I felt like I was five again and caught stealing biscuits before dinner, and I sighed.

"Well, I may have gotten horrifically burnt?" I corrected, hastily adding, "but it's okay! I'm fine!" at the look of utter horror on her face. "Honestly, look," I said, quickly pulling up my pant leg at the sight of Tenten about to hit me again.

She paused and her eyes went wide at the sight of the huge scar covering the entirety of my left leg. I peered at it closely too as I realised I hadn't seen it properly.

It was, in a sense, fascinating. The sensitive skin was a bright angry red, with charred black woven around each hole where a blister was popped, and strung so tight that when I shifted my leg you could see the muscles contorting under the skin.

"...oh my kami Flynn..." Tenten whispered. I nodded fervently.

"Pretty cool right?" I said as a way to lighten the mood. Also it was pretty kick ass...it would be even better if I hadn't got it from fucking Sasuke of all people. God damn it.

A silence followed, where a tear falling could be heard...literally. A second later and the waterworks duo were squeezing me in between their rock hard muscles and spandex.

"How Youthful!"

"Even in the face of such hideous disfigurement, you still smile!"

"I am in awe of your Flames of Youth!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Let us commemorate Flynn-chan's Youth by doing one hundred press ups and crunches!"

"Yes Gai-sensei!"

_I PREFERRED THEM SO MUCH MORE IN THE ANIME WHEN I WAS AWAY FROM THE YOUTH._

I managed to break free and somehow prevented myself from running back to my apartment and locking myself away from humanity for a couple centuries.

"How did you get that?" Tenten asked. The two green-clad monsters paused mid-push up and looked over at me, and even Neji seemed to be paying attention.

"Ehm...it was an accident, first off," I mumbled. "I was chillin' by the river, minding my own business and all, and then a huge fireball came my way and I woke up in hospital." I explained.

Tenten blinked.

"So...it was...a fireball? That came out of nowhere." She sounded dubious.

"Yeah. Well. It was a jutsu. But basically, yeah," I clarified.

Her expression changed to one of alarm. "You were fighting against someone with ninjutsu?" She blurted.

I had been trying to avoid saying who caused it, but this was going nowhere.

"No, I was watching Team Seven training and one of Mr. Duckbutt Uchiha's jutsus missed Naruto and hit me instead," I burst. She paused, and her face fell blank.

"Uchiha, huh?" She said carefully. She had this distant look in her eye that I didn't like.

"...yes?"

"...alright."

I squinted at her. "What are you planning?" I muttered, and made the universal 'I'm watching you' sign, which she ignored.

I turned back to Gai-sensei and Lee, who were just finishing up their 'commemoration' to my leg, to ask, "Are we going to start training, or..."

They froze, and I got a feeling that I had made yet another mistake.

"SO YOUTHFUL!"

Oh my god noooo.

After another flying tackle aimed at me, along with them crying over my "dedication to training, even in the face of a horrific injury, how Youthful!" Why did I somehow always manage to incur the terror of a hug sandwich between Lee and Gai-sensei? Did this usually happen before I came here? Did _Neji _ever get caught up in one of these?! Probably not. How dare he.

Eventually we did start training again, even though Gai-sensei thought it was perfectly logical to double the training for some reason. Maybe in the midst of shouting how he was going to light the Fire of Youth™ in me was an explanation, but nonetheless I was still sent home limping.

I was coming up the stairs, patting my pockets for my keys, when I saw Naruto with a look of crushing guilt on his face, making me falter. He didn't see me, as he was heading to the door on the right of his apartment, mine. I narrowed my eyes in confusion, what...?

He knocked on the door once, twice, hesitance outlining his movements. "...Flynn-chan?..." He called. He - he sounded like he was on the verge of tears! I shook myself out of whatever stupor I fell into and I couldn't stop my arm reaching out towards the hyperactive blond as I approached him.

"Naruto?"

The blond spun around, eyes wide, and I noticed that he actually had tears in the corner of his eyes. "Naruto?" I tried again, taking a slow step forwards. "Are you...what's wrong -eh?" My accursed verbal tic slipped out, but I ignored it in concern for my friend.

"Flynn-chan!" Naruto's body twitched, like he was physically holding himself back from throwing himself at me. "I'm sorry -ttebayo!" he blurted. I froze. What? Did he do something? Was he secretly hoarding coffee and never told me?

"I shouldn't have dodged the Teme's fireball! I shoulda...I shoulda stopped it somehow! I'm sorry," he apologised profusely. I shook my head, shocked. Did he blame himself? Over me not being able to dodge Duckbutt's jutsu?

But Naruto seemed to flinch, as if I rejected his apology. "Naruto, I don't - I'm not - it wasn't your fault Naruto! Holy crayola crayons, I'm not - _mad_ at you, god no. You -" I ran a hand through my hair in aggravation. Why couldn't I be more coherent when it counted?

But I could see Naruto's eyes widen in relief. "You're not...angry?" He mumbled. I blinked. Just how _badly _was he treated, for him to think that him being somewhat involved in my accident - and only because he was sparring with the guy who actually did it - meant that I was going to instantly reject him?

I marched over to him and pulled him into a hug, because he looked like he really one right then. Plus, he was way too adorable not to.

I could feel him relax in my arms, and we stood like that for a while. Slowly, Naruto pulled himself away and rubbed his eyes free of tears on his sleeve. He grinned at me, making me feel instantly happier.

"I'm glad you're okay. When Kaka-sensei brought you to the hospital - " _I was right! Ha! _" - me 'n Sakura-chan n' Teme decided to go and visit you but the nurses wouldn't let us in because they were busy healing you so we left but then we came back the next day but they told us you left so we went looking around the village and then I came back here and knocked on your door and I thought that you didn't answer 'cause you were angry at me an' - "

I interrupted him by pulling him into a headlock and giving him a noogie. He squeaked in reply (which he denied to all hell later on) and squirmed. I let go of him and laughed at the expression on his face. "You were being silly Naruto! If I was mad at you, which would probably never ever happen, I wouldn't ignore you! That's just ineffective and mean." I huffed.

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I guess I _am _being stupid, huh? Oh!" He perked up suddenly. "We should totally tell Sakura-chan and Kaka-sensei and Teme that you're alright! Even if Teme put you in hospital for two days," he added, grumbling. I tilted my head.

"Y'know, I blame Duckbutt as much as I blame you? That is to say, it was a complete accident so don't go around yelling 'n stuff and him, okay?" I said. Naruto seemed surprised that I wasn't furious at Sasuke, but shrugged and agreed, however reluctantly.

The blond proceeded to grab my arm and play "lets-see-if-we-can-trip-up-Flynn-100-times-before-we-get-there!", which I only managed not to do because of Gai-sensei's training.

By the time we reached the training grounds, where the rest of Team 7 were doing whatever they were doing, I was winded while Naruto remained completely unaffected.

Surprisingly, Sakura was the one who ran to greet us. "Flynn-san!" I blinked at the genuine worry etched on her face. "Are you alright?" I felt awkward and this formal suffix, and guilty at my previous dismissal of her. Sure, she had an obsession with a living cold shoulder, but she seemed like an honestly nice person, if a bit impatient with Naruto.

"Um, yeah, I'm good, the nurses healed me up well," I gave her a small smile. She seemed relieved, which made me fee guiltier, before I noticed that Duckbutt was off to the side, looking anywhere but me. I guessed he thought I was made at him too? Well, sure the fireball was probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced (except maybe my last moments in Ireland) but it was an accident. He obviously wasn't expecting me to be in the way of any jutsu considering I was sitting off to the side in the river, so I think any anger on my part would be unjustified.

"Uh, Duck- Sasuke...san? Um," I was a little confused with how I should address him, seeing as Sakura added "-san" to my name, and I was on basically the same terms with her as I was with Sasuke, "I'm not mad at you or anything, y'know. No hard feelings," I reassured. He finally made eye contact with me, before looking away again.

"...hn."

...what a tsundere. Oh well, it would do. There was a moment of silence, that surprisingly enough the scarecrow broke. "Maa, well my cute little genin, it's time to train again. You too Naruto." He eyed me up for a moment, which made me feel like I was being judged, before his eye curved up into a u-shaped smile. I blinked, before saying my goodbyes.

"Bye! Drop by later Naruto, if you aren't too tired yeah?" I called, waving in acknowledgment of his confirmation. I made my way back, enjoying the lull of the village again. This place was unbelievably calming, when I wasn't making a complete fool of myself.

I guess that went better than expected.

* * *

><p>(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)<p>

* * *

><p>It was three days later before shit hit the fan.<p>

It was one of my rare days off, and I was wondering around the village enjoying the sun. It was a refreshing break from the near constant drizzle back home. _Heh, I suppose if I ever got homesick I could just head over the Kiri, _I mused darkly. But nah, I was enjoying Konoha a lot.

I let my feet take me where they would, and eventually they lead me to a dead end. I looked at the fence blocking my way, a lone tree beside it, and I was about to turn around when I heard voices.

Not in my head, mind you. From the other side of the fence, I heard someone who sounded suspiciously like a certain ball of sunshine I knew, yelling his head off. I rushed over to the fence, but there was no way to actually check who was on the other side, because the fence was too tall for me. Unless...

I turned to the tree. It had many grooves in it, and the lowest branches were a bit over arms reach. I took a few steps back, before taking a running start at the tree, propelling my self up high enough to grab onto the branch. I swung myself up, something I found ridiculously more easy than I used to, before I climbed onto the next branch, a thicker one that could give me a view of what was happening on the other side.

I looked over the fence and I saw Sakura, Duckbutt and Naruto standing to the left with three kids I kind of recognised running off behind Team 7, and right under me...

I kid you not, the shock of seeing the Sand Siblings alive, _in the flesh right down there in front of me_, and the implications behind that, literally made me slip and fall out of the tree in shock.

_Oh shit._

I shrieked, drawing the attention of all of the genin down below, including a certain Sand shinobi as I _fell on top of Gaara._

And that, dear readers, is how I was brutally murdered.

...not really, but oh man. I didn't actually crash into Gaara, because his sand shield sprung up in defense, and I crashed into that instead. I threw my arms in front of my face, but a loud _CRUNCH _was still heard upon impact.

Time seemed to come for a halt as it was dead silent. Slowly, oh so slowly I rolled off the shield, landing on my back with a gentle _whump. _I wheezed a little bit, staring at the sky.

Prime example of me making amazing first impressions - exhibit A.

There was a gentle sound of rushing to my left as Gaara's sand returned to it's gourd form, and I could feel the redhead's stare burning into my face. I turned my head slowly to look him in the eyes. His adorable little panda eyes. Aw.

My mind went blank as I raised a numb hand in salutation.

"...nice reflexes, you passed the test."

I could feel Team 7 collectively dying behind me.

* * *

><p><strong>*reappears in a poof of faded rainbow smoke* ...First off, let me say that I will never ever take that long again. I swear.<strong>

**I am sooo sorry! I hope the length of this chapter makes up for the ridiculous wait! Thanks to all who reviewed/favourited/followed this story :D You guys are the cooliest.**

**I know I kind of skipped the Wave arc, but there wasn't any way I could really write it out. Sorry if anyone was looking forward to that or something lmao. **

**Thus, the fifth chapter has ended! If anyone has any concerns/questions/requests for omakes/wishes to know what exactly is Flynn's favourite food, w/e you want feel free to PM or leave it in a review! Apologies if I didn't reply to anyone ^^"**

**And the plot thickens. Here's to hoping Gaara doesn't crack and kill my lil Flynn after five chapters! That's all for now folks! I bid thee an early Halloween, because god knows I'm not gonna update in time for it! I'll try to aim for sometime around Christmas, but don't hold it to me because it's very likely than I will procrastinate horribly. **

**Again.**

**Farewell my tiny children! **


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